tree

[doves]

lklk

[Elphin]

doves

I'll offer this thought on both this piece and flames.

You are obviously able to think in images and metaphor and you can write with a rhythm and use rhyme. My problem is, and maybe its me, I am not sure what you are actually saying in your poems - their a bit obscure. See what others think.

Elphin

[doves]

someone compared by poetry to the french symbolists rimbaud and appollinaire,i am not sure if this is a compliment.

[David]

someone compared by poetry to the french symbolists rimbaud and appollinaire,i am not sure if this is a compliment.

That is a great compliment, and amazingly enough I kind of see what someone is getting at.

I think there's some really good stuff in your poems, but they're wildly uneven. Take lines 3 and 4 here, for instance:

The pigeons shower incantations down - that's great.

helping the memories to grow - that's not.

Just out of interest, do you work and hone and shape your poems, or do they just appear - blurt! - like that?

Definitely interesting things in them. You could try a little harder to engage with your fellow posters, though ... maybe it's shyness, or defensiveness, but you do come as across as a little abrasive sometimes. Loosen up a bit, doves - we won't bite you. (Well, there are one or two you have to watch ...)

Cheers

David

[beautifulloser]

(Well, there are one or two you have to watch ...)

If people have compared you to Mr Arthur, then READ SOME! Don't ask an opinion, get your own.

There's glimmers of goodness in your stuff, I think from the limited shit that I know I've commented so, on your post that was moved into experienced. Write anything, even replies, with an air of confidence, say what you mean and think, there's vernerable badger twatters like Barrie the knwledge base (who doesn't mind flapping his arms about a bit), David and others, and then the more secretive types that think they know everything and won't say anything and they'll all prove you wrong as nothing is right but that's all part of the fun.

Tree, like crows, pisses on my fledging capabilities, still some good stuff in here though. But it doesn't get me sexual organs flowing. There's a good one from Rimbaud about a dude shitting in the corner of a nativity, that's the sort of stuff, that's where it's at.

Keep at it though, there's deffo better stuff to come. Can feel it in me bones.

Beau
x

[dl04]

I agree with Elphin, there's just so many shifts in subject matter, that i found it a bit too complex. maybe i'm just being a complete dense fool, but it came across very hard to take everything in. I just think there needs to be a focal point for the poem, instead of the tangents that appear in the poem. I just feel it would make it more concise and better quality overall.

Still like people have said previously, you have a great knack for constructing rhyme and evocative imagery(The pigeons shower incantations down) and the subject matters are intresting, if a little obscure.

Keep working, and you'll be posting somereally good stuff. Hope i've helped in some way.