Back to the Harbour

[dl04]

Lush winds and flowing geese trails,
echoes of rainfall imprint on the sands
and baskets of primroses laid out to sea.
Seven springs gave her promise,
to ride out the summers
and temper the nights.

Last petal fell,
roses dimished beyond her sight
as the hail thumped past the lodge
and rocks gave in to the sleet.

Etching on her calendar,
her last days before the dawns
and the remembrance of wooden planks.

Silence on the shores,
seagulls waiting overhead
for the eighth hour
where the harbour would beckon her.

[barrie]

Do you think you could catch up on your crits. To date you've managed twenty crits and posted sixteen poems - that's not really fair on all the others who post in here.
I'm locking this post until you've commented on the work of some of the other posters here.

cheers

Barrie

[barrie]

Unlocked. I'll get back to this - at the moment I'm in the middle of a date with a few bottles of weissbier.

cheers

Barrie.

[barrie]

You've created an atmosphere of isolation here, especially with the first verse. The only thing that doesn't work for me is lush winds, this suggests (to me) winds conducive to agriculture, and I get the impression here of some isolated northern fishing port, but I've been wrong many times before.
I'm not really sure what the poem is about, but it sounds like a woman who's waiting for someone who's been away (at sea) for a long time.

baskets of primroses laid out to sea - floral offerings for a safe passage?

Besides isolation, you've built up a sense of expectation in the last verse.

seagulls waiting overhead

nice one

Barrie

[Ilex]

I had to had an image of a women waiting after reading this poem, for me the poem changed subtley after S2. Up until S2 the poem seemed to be telling the story of a woman waiting for a long lost ship to return to the harbour. After S2 lines such as 'etching on her calander her last days...' and the final line 'where the harbour would beckon her.' began to make me wonder if the woman herself may have given up and be about to throw herself into the harbour. I love the tense atmosphere of the poem and the idea of 'silence on the shores' it really adds to the woman isolation. Very enjoyable read. Ilex.

[kirgd]

The poem does not read as convoluted as the author
might have liked.

There is license here resulting in a self-serving style,
so I concluded that it satisfied only the writer.

The "her" in the poem appears hidden in details
described by a narrator who attempts parsing their
meaning through the subject's eyes, without giving
a reader insight of the psyche.