Poetry Forum

The clouds hold sun; canals supplely warm
like milk; upturned stones cliff the sky. Gibberish
assails the playing fields and fruit's shit-warm
in corner shops. Thy muse? I say gibberish.

**just so you don't think me dead

You are crafted with words. I like some of the phrases such as upturned stones cliff the sky, Gibberish
assails the playing fields. I find these interesting: supplely warm and shit-warm. By the way, what is 'supplely warm'?
This quatrain resembles Jueju, the classical Chinese poem.

It is not gibberish to me at all.

Dave,

Gibberish
assails the playing fields and fruit's shit-warm
in corner shops.
- great lines, but I don't think the preceding lines measure up to them.

I too am a little puzzled by "supplely".

Geoff

Ha, cheers you two. this came out of a particularly unpoetic mood. Hence the message and the *cough* elaborate rhyme scheme.

Anyway, 'supplely' was a word that I had hoped would describe the softness of the process. It also (more importantly perhaps) had the right amount of stresses. Will see what I can do with it.

Ta muchly
Dave

Firstly can i say- sumptuous imagery, really ignites the poem from the get-go. I love the combination of intricate metaphors and basic language 'shit-warm'. I just loved the overall tone of this piece, a very light-hearted read

I too am puzzled by the word 'supplely' Ah well, the poem makes up for that enigmatic word.

Good stuff

dl04.

I have to say I totally agree with every other comment here. This poem is lovely. Your way with words and integration of images is a delight rarely seen. Other than, as other have stated, a slight niggle with the word 'supplely'; I can't pick faults with this.

Lovely.

"Supplely" seems a warm and tactile sort of word. I didn't mind it in the context.
"Shit-warm" is a "touch" Freudian - is that an anal complex egesting itself?

Certainly some original images here.

I enjoyed this, particually how brief yet descriptive the lines are, un-indulgent, especially when in comparison to the generally lofty visions of how summer affects people. It felt dismissive and cynical, that was great, like it was cutting people down before they deeply inhaled to reel off their rehearsed prose of blossoms and sun beams.