Spilled Petrol - WINNER APRIL COMPETITION

[twoleftfeet]

"Split a piece of wood and I am there,
lift a stone and you will find me "
- from THE GOSPEL OF THOMAS
=================================


From the Sun you came,
sucked down into stout trees
when the wood was green,
long before people,
or battles,
or Richard of York *


Death buried you,
compressed in Earth but,
needing Fire, they
disinterred you with
their Alchemy,
refined your essence.

Now, though you lie wasted
on a puddled slab
yet the Sun has come to
raise you once more
to the Skies

--------------------------------------------------------------------
* the word you probably can't see properly is "York" :roll



ORIGINAL

From the Sun you came,
sucked down into stout
trees when wood and all
the world were green,
long before people,
or battles,
or Richard of York.

Death buried you,
compressed in Earth but,
needing Fire, they
disinterred you with
their Alchemy,
refined your essence.

Now, though you lie on a
cloud-teared concrete slab,
yet the Sun has raised you
once more to the Skies.

[Lake]

Clever. I was looking for the word 'oil' or 'bone', but didn't see any of them. Then I went back to the title, there 'petrol'.

I like the idea in the poem - the life cycle, the balance of the five elements in the world, some of which are mentioned in the poem such as earth, wood, fire... and the relationship between earth, sky and living beings and items.

Best,

Lake

[TDF]

Ditto to what Lake said. really like this one.

good luck!

[davelord]

A very easy to read yet complex poem - I liked it. I didn't fully understand 'cloud-teared concrete slab,' though.

[twoleftfeet]

Thanks Lake, Tom, and Dave.

I've tinkered with it a little (and probably made it worse )

Geoff

[Lake]

The color was a riddle to me. Is it a riddle to others? If yes, then I feel much better.

[kozmikdave]

I always use ROY. G. BIV, but now I think I understand the battles of Richard of York - part of some crazy pneumonic(?) I've never heard of before. Now I need to know what the rest of it is.

It all makes much more sense to me now. Better for me. I originally thought it was about evaporation.

Good one Geoff

[twoleftfeet]

Lake and Dave,

Yes, it is a mnemonic - to remember the colours of the spectrum/rainbow and their order:
Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain (RED ORANGE YELLOW GREEN BLUE INDIGO VIOLET).
It must be peculiar to Brits, and it's probably not in use any more in our schools..

I was going to use "vain" too, but violet is a difficult colour to pin down; I was bound to choose the wrong colour from the PG font.

Hey ho
Geoff

[Elphin]

Love that last verse Geoff.

In fact the whole piece is very clever. Without knowing that mnemonic (I didn't) though the rainbow is a bit of a riddle - nothing wrong with that though.

elphin

[twoleftfeet]

Thanks, Elph

Here's a photo:
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgur ... n%26sa%3DN

and this explains the effect (I couldn't )
http://www.phy.cuhk.edu.hk/phyworld/iq/ ... bow_e.html

Geoff

[Lake]

After looking at the photos, it makes perfect sense to me now.

I would like to keep cloud-teared concrete slab.

[oranggunung]

Geoff

A very intricate poem. I liked the indirect rainbow reference. However, knowing the mnemonic, I found the coloured fonts a little distracting (what’s that about all of the people and all of the time?). Clearly S3 is completing the cycle, but the language feels too florid. You lost me at ‘yet’.

Just a random thought: is there a possibility of contrasting the oily rainbow with a plume of smoke or exhaust fumes?


Clever, but not my cuppa

og

[davelord]

The more I reads it the better it gets. I think it's brilliant.

I nb'd the colour stuff but wasn't nearly sharp enough to get the rainbow mnemonic.

(why isn't there a mnemonic to help you to spell minumonick?)

[David]

This is really good, Geoff. I could do without the colours - far better without, I think, but then I share your memory of that particular mna-mna (doo doo do doo doo) - and the obsessive-compulsive in me yearns for another line in the third stanza, but ignore him.

Great stuff. Now I don't know who I'm going to vote for!

Cheers

David

[twoleftfeet]

After looking at the photos, it makes perfect sense to me now.

I would like to keep cloud-teared concrete slab.

DOH! I thought it was a bit OTT

Geoff

I liked the indirect rainbow reference. However, knowing the mnemonic, I found the coloured fonts a little distracting (what’s that about all of the people and all of the time?). Clearly S3 is completing the cycle, but the language feels too florid. You lost me at ‘yet’.

og

I can't win with this one, Og - some folks need the help with the mne-thingy, and some find it irritating
wrt "yet"
I was trying to write a Metafizzy poem and I wanted have a Biblical "feel" to the ending, in order to tie in with the
quotation from the Gospel of Thomas. Of course, other than that it is redundant.

Thanks again, DaveL

David
When it comes to voting, as we are talking colours here - think Claret and Blue..
My fear is that all the DAVEs on the site will vote for each other

Geoff

[David]

We are the Dave. Absorption is unavoidable. Resistance is futile. We are all happy Daves!

[emuse]

Excellent work Geoff,

Forget about the wine eh, we're talking grain alcohol!

I love good God poems. Not a matter of a specific faith, just a particular favorite of mine like Rilke's love poems to God.

e

[twoleftfeet]

Thanks, E

It's a mixed-up mix of Western mysticism and Daoism - I like to think of it as DOHism.

Homer

[Nicola]

CONGRATULATIONS - THIS IS THE WINNER OF THE EXPERIENCED COMPETITION

[barrie]

"Split a piece of wood and I am there,
lift a stone and you will find me "
- from THE GOSPEL OF THOMAS

- I think I've just cracked this riddle - Is it a woodlouse?


Well done.

Barrie

[TDF]

Grats, Geoff!

[David]

Yay! I voted for this one.

[emuse]

Hey Geoff!

Excellente!! Glad to see you take the keys to the castle.

e

[Elphin]

Well done sir

elphin

[Lake]

What a mixed-up mix! Congrats.