Poetry Forum

A Proverbial Woman.

Scorned,
she arrived
at my glass house.
Carrying a bag.
Of sticks.
And stones.



© Christopher Earle

Liked the image immensely. No nits.
Great write.

Clever ending, not particulary orginal but humorous all the same.

Very good.

I think I would prefer it if it were

Scorned
she arrived
at my glasshouse,
carrying a bag
of sticks.
And stones.

But I imagine you've thought of that and dismissed it already. My impression is that it would work better with the And stones being one sentence at the end rather than Of sticks as well.

But thats just being picky and there isnt really any need on something as simple and good as this.

Thanks for the comments people... this arrived in my head as I drove to work thinking of an ex-wife who if I did not miss so much, I might dislike intensely.

And yeah... not striking for it's originality, just a thought/ramble on how the three 'proverbs' seemed to work well together.

Richard, I have thought of several ways to end this... including your suggestion. But you make a very good case now that I have thought about it and I think I may make that change. Thanks.


Cheers

Brilliant image. You just know that your glasshouse is about to be shattered when she inevitably starts throwing. (Hope I'm not being sexist - don't mean to be)

Thanx Dave, but I think I beat you to the 'sexist' part. I'll take the bullet for you this time.

Very neatly done, but one thing spoils it for me - It's only one sentence, not two. You need to lose the full stop.

Carrying a bag.
Of sticks.
And stones. - This describes what 'she' is carrying and is part of a single sentence with 'she' as the subject.

Scorned,
she arrived
at my glass house
carrying a bag.
of sticks.
and stones.

Good one

Barrie