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Fossil - Beginner
Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:24 pm
by davelord
Thanks Elphin. I hope changes are allowed in the comp. I can get anywhere from 6 to 9 syllables in the second line. The version in my head now has 7!
Cometition Entry
Fossil
sea-life skeleton
for aeons crushed and transformed
fuels my motor now
First Version
Fossil
sea-life skeleton
aeons crushed and transformed
now runs my motor
Re: Fossil - Beginner
Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:45 pm
by Elphin
nice one dave - bones and oil.
Check l2 - presuming its a haiku I think you only have 6 syllables buts its maybe different pronunciations.
Maybe change runs to fuels for stronger effect.
elphin
Re: Fossil - Beginner
Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 10:38 am
by barrie
Good idea to use haiku - Allow me to complicate things further (sorry) -
sea-life skeleton
transformed and crushed by aeons
fuels my motor now
Barrie
Re: Fossil - Beginner
Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:48 pm
by davelord
Baz, Thanks for your suggested improvement - no need to apologise . I think, however, I prefer my aeons.
Your aeons seem to be some kind of extra-terrestrial life that enjoys crushing sea-life?
My aeons took ages to develop so I think I'll stick with them.
Ta anyway and please do keep helping me out.
Re: Fossil - Beginner
Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 7:57 pm
by David
Nice one, Dave. Short and sweet.
Cheers
David