I just got off the train and have written this ditty. I have hardly edited it from its conception, thought I'd juts stick it up and see what everyone thinks, it still needs a lot of work but...
Her face is concealed
with the varnish
of fools.
Her mind;
In an ocular courtship.
Her body;
In silent waltz
with the world.
Every curve of her figure
lies lavishly adorned
with the garments
of Narcissus.
Her person reduced
to a wavering smile.
She wallows
in her remains,
she beams,
I loath her.
I'm glad you've lived too (Working title)
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Brotherfergus
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 52
- Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:42 am
"The poet becomes a seer through a long, immense, and reasoned derangement of all the senses." - Arthur Rimbaud
bf,
This has quite a different feel to the other one, which was more ambiguous. And although I liked that ambiguity I do like this one too. It somehow sucked me in. I think it is because it is so clear that I got drawn into it, yet has enough poetic flow to be structually engaging.
I think the poem works well, I don't really have much to add constructively. Although I think the other had a better ending due to it's ambiguity. This is maybe a little blunt/straight forward by comparison?
enjoyed.
Tom
This has quite a different feel to the other one, which was more ambiguous. And although I liked that ambiguity I do like this one too. It somehow sucked me in. I think it is because it is so clear that I got drawn into it, yet has enough poetic flow to be structually engaging.
I think the poem works well, I don't really have much to add constructively. Although I think the other had a better ending due to it's ambiguity. This is maybe a little blunt/straight forward by comparison?
enjoyed.
Tom
meh and bah are wonderful words