Poetry Forum

A heart whence warm affections flow,
Creator, Thou hast given to me,
And am I only thus to know
How sweet the joys of love would be?

...

Anne Brontë, thou hast spoken well
And said a thing that true may be,
'Cause often on that thought I dwell
That love is just a dream for me.

A dream that never may come true
Despite the hope, despite the prayer.
A gleaming light that beckons you
But leads you only to despair.

One day you get a glimpse of it
And cannot help but dream and dream.
And thus your hope grows, bit by bit,
Of gaining joys you've never seen.

But all this does not last for long
For soon the truth will drop its veil:
And though my love was true and strong -
The dream is dead - I loved in vain.



Kindly encouraged from other users to post another poem of mine, I'd like to see what reaction this poem causes. Again, any type of criticism is welcome, just let me know what you think.

Gidday

You seem to have captured the style pretty well.

Two wee things:

In V2

A gleaming lights that beckons you [think it should be "light" - singular]

and in V3

And cannot help but dream and dream. [I wasn't keen on "dream and dream".]

It didn't quite match with "Of gaining joys you've never seen", either

I did like the way the rhyme did not seem too forced as is often the case. I'm not madly keen on the style, but it does sell a lot of birthday cards.

Thanks for the comment, kozmikdave. You're right, it should have been 'light', just a silly typo which I just corrected. Cheers for pointing it out.

Nicely executed and you did well with keeping the metre.

I know from your last piece your feelings on modern poetry and thats OK. Style is personal but I think the challenge you will have is taking this writing style and applying it to modern situations beyond the timeless ones of love, unrequited love etc.

So thats the mission - should you choose to accept it. You can handle metre - how about a contemporary theme now.


elphin