Poetry Forum

You'll never guess what I just seed,
an octopede, I do believe.
With spidrous glue it plants
each shoe upon the wall
right next to you.
So righteous, calm, and free of thought,
it glides back to the fly it caught.
Instinctive, godless, free of sin,
I swear it smiled as its fangs sunk in.

Hi Kilravluis,

I don't like spiders and am not that keen on octopi but this has made me see them in a totally different light.

Also it is refreshing to see some humourous writing for a change.

Thanks for posting.

Smiffey

Thanks Smiffey - If you imagine them to be wearing boots on each foot they won't seem as frightening.

Kilthatrachnid

Thanks for an enjoyable eight tentacled read. Beleive it or not I actually wrote my latest post, prior to visiting or reading here today. Kind of strange how similar themes, clump together

Regards

D

Me and my weird tastes, right? But this is one that I would remember through the years. The same cannot be said of your more experienced offerings in their entirety. That's not an insult either, but a nod to a good poem and to what can be accomplished by just letting go sometimes.

Very much enjoyed, sir.

One thing:

So righteous, calm and free of thought,
it glides back to the fly it caught.
Instinctive, godless, free of sin
I swear it smiled as its fangs sunk in.

Lines 1 and 3 there should be punctuated the same because the pause is identical in both. Comma free or with, either way would be fine to me as a reader. But as a reader I'd like to see them the same. Might be just me, but it IS distracting.

Thanks Travis,

I know it needs a comma after free of sin - You think I need a comma after calm too?

So righteous, calm, and free of thought,
it glides back to the fly it caught.
Instinctive, godless, free of sin,
I swear it smiled as its fangs sunk in. - I guess that makes it more symmetrical.

cheers

Kilthatspider

It makes it more simetrickal, but I don't like it. My observations/suggestions were based on a colloquial flow kind of thing, not a visual splinter.

I'd keep it textbook after calm, my friend and keep it comma free. Unlike what I first did and more like what I just did.

Yuck

Such horrible beasties contained in such a sweet little poem.
Good fun and put a smile on my face.

Dalena

I believe that the comma before an 'and' at the end of a list is optional, I usually don't bother with it - either way, it's OK.

I kind of like the symmeretrycallacality of it now.

KilravluissiulvarliK

Thanks D - Glad you liked it.

Kiljoyluis