Poetry Forum

My Life

My Life runs down my arm and onto the ground.
Its feels warm my Life once bound

Set me loose it shouts, cut my rope!
So one day i cut it loose,
And so it runs, runs down my arm onto the ground.
It feels warm my Life once bound.

There is liberty now for my Life once bound, which now goes down, down into the ground.

LaMOi,

Hi. I liked here the idea of the blood personified as 'Life', and you just about get away with the idea of it being 'set free', and perhaps the protagonist being set free from their worries? That said, it felt to me to be perhaps an oversimplification, and 'not enough', if that makes any sense? I think you need to work more on this, to inject more of the (probably mixed) emotion, to give us more of a three dimensional picture.

Cheers,

Jon

I think i wanted it to be simple... Not a deep exploration of suicide... I wanted it to be quick, almost humpty dumpty if you get me?

I can see where you're coming from... I'd be interested to see others' views on this...

meant to say, suicide has always intrigued my thinking.

Obviously it does have connections with suicide, but funnily enough I didn't read it like this.
Because I found it quite light and airy, rather than bleak and melancholy, I read it as a sort of release, before starting over again, phoenix like. Allowing your lifes blood to run free and make contact with the earth, grounding the writer. I didn't get a sense of death at all.

I found it quite uplifting, thanks for posting.

Well, I didn't find it uplifting, like zoot, but I kind of know what he means. It is at least not too heavy and overwrought.

Quite clever, the image of the vein / artery as a rope, but the last line -

There is liberty now for my Life once bound, which now goes down, down into the ground -

sounds too much like a nursery rhyme to me. I understand that that may be the sort of effect you're after, but even so it doesn't work for me.

An interesting take on the subject, though.

Tell me - when you say "yes suicide is a very big subject" - is that supposed to be as sarcastic as it sounds? I can't tell whether it is or not. I think we can agree that it is a very big subject.

Cheers

David

sorry it wasnt meant to be sarcastic.

The nursey rhyme effect is intended. I wanted to give it a kind of mocking simplicity. I can get very frustrated with life at times, and i think this poem is born out of some of that. But it is about freedom.

Its interesting to get peoples reactions to it, everyone takes something different.

It sounds as though you've achieved what you wanted with this one, LaM, and that's always pleasing, no matter what other people think - yes?

Cheers

David