Poetry Forum

happy am I,

man with no face and no memory.
Where mirrors have no dominion.
Dreams quenched and prayers forgotton.

happy am I,
lost in folds of time, you never knew me.
Do not wake me, hard rock resigned.

happy am I,
faceless and not found.

Search this dust, but I am gone, left in mind....

I think you have a platform for something interesting here. It needs to be expanded upon, so the uninformed reader can acquire something more than it currently delivers. Happy am I, and yet I cannot glean one single nuance of anything that would ordinarily prompt that emotion from this poem.
It´s a little bit,

happy am I
I have been diagnosed with genital herpes

happy am I
the utility bills just arrived

happy am I
they just created a black hole in geneva
and we´re all gonna die.

Find my soul in the dark matter if you can.

But that might be the angle you are looking for, I just kind of got the feeling you are trying to convey something more here.

Now tell me I am barking up the wrong tree, or just simply barking.

Cheers

Danté

lol...


I think its pleasure in being annonymous. With no memories, no worries, no expectations, everything in the mind wiped clean...

Eternal sunshine on a spotless mind eh?

LaM

Interesting post. It could do with punctuation and spelling tidy up. Where mirrors line isnt a sentence, and forgotten.

Poetically I would take away the first line as it says the same as the penultimate.

elph

I think the last line needs something a little more. I think your using a specific style too, which include repetition I get a sense of an echoe from this which reflects the last line very well.

Dante after reading your post your not barking up the wrong tree your just barking lol . I liked your suggestions but more so I liked the last line.

Ladyhawk

Hi Lamoi,
I quite like this, but found it a bit hard to follow, needs a bit of clarifying perhaps. Reminded me a bit of Nirvana "Lithium"

I'm so happy 'cause today
I've found my friends ...
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you...
We've broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care...
And I'm not scared
Light my candles in a daze...
'Cause I've found god - yeah, yeah, yeah

cheers,
sneaker

LaMOi

Forgotten your name? I think the last line is superflous. I also think that it would be ended better without it. "Left in mind" seems too vague. Potential here, once cleaned up a touch.

thanks,
Harrison

I agree with what Sneaker said though not too sure about the Nirvana, (she is obsessed!) It needs a bit of clarifying anyway, but on the whole it is a nice idea and I like what you have conveyed in the poem.
Thanks,
Raisin