Poetry Forum

Revised

There was a young boy from France,
who wore some enormous pants,
the window blew through,
a hippo walked through,
what is it with boys and their pants?

Original

There was a young boy from France,
who wore some enormous pants,
the window blew through,
a hippo walked through,
what is it with boys and pants?

Ahumm... But what about the hippo?

The hippo walked into the room,
he grew and he grew and he grew,
his belt it got tight,
his belly took fright,
and out through the window he flew.

"Pants" Really I had to take a peek to see what this contains..........

And like pants, a pair no less............two poems.

Mmm.......the first is quite sweet, although you really must slip another syllable in the last line.
I prefer the second, although a twisted little part of me anticipated more of a mess in the closing lines...

Thank you for making smile twice in a few minutes................

Dalena x

No problem, cheers!

Pants
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Not really…I liked it

Ho ho ho!

I think it to be a very valid exercise working with such forms.
Several poems I have written are worked around this 8-8-5-5-8 with varying rhyme patterns.
It's school playground recital form to my mind and has been used for countless funny jokey tales.
By the way, you are a syllable short in the last line.

"what is it with boys and their pants" ?

Good to have a chuckle with some light hearted rhyme

Thanks

Danté

Tim,

Yes, lots of fun to play with. With the first one I spotted the 'syllable short' in the last line, but it kind of felt right to me. Probably mistakenly... I think I'll change it!

Cheers,

Jon

There, I've updated my pants!

lol and a very neat updated pair of pants they are too...




Mx

Thank you!