awakenings

[wildmountainthyme]

in strange fields
their minds run free,
passed the border
passed sanity?
lost in secrets,
trapped, alone
their thoughts,
their dreams, allowed to roam,
inside their heads,
in tiny ships,
there's laughter and tears,
and pleasure trips,
outside it's cold
in here it's warm,
in here you're safe,
from the human storm,
corridors, so clean and neat
emotions wrapped,
in starched white sheets
eyes that hold
a thousand tears,
words so quiet
no-one hears,
your trees seem fruitless,
dead, no yield,
some have tried, to reach your fields,
measured potions
to are fed,
watch out!
they're trying to sneak,
into your head.

[jms]

I enjoyed the rhymes and rhythms you've got going here, but feel at the moment that the poem is a bit daunting - you could do with breaking it into verses, to make it a bit easier on the reader.

Cheers,

Jon

[wildmountainthyme]

good point jon, thanks for reading it and for the advice, it is pretty daunting, needs a little pause here and there.
dan