Poetry Forum

Edited:-

Your smile makes me believe
only songs need sweet tunes,
that which itself is honeyed
doesn't require melodies.

Original: -

Your smiles make me think
every song needs a charm …
that which is honeyed
doesn’t require melodies.

I enjoyed this, even though I'm not sure why, if that makes any kind of sense? You've played cleverly with the mix of descriptions of the smile / song, which works very well (though at first I wasn't sure whether it was quite right...) It left me feeling a bit topsy-turvy (or is that just because I've got chronic eye strain at the moment?) But well done - I must have read this a dozen times now.

Cheers,

Jon

Thanks Jms for your reply. you are perfectly right in your observations. I 'd like to know what you think of the revision.
Cheers.

That's a much better read!

Nice little poem!

I wonder if I could use this as a chat up line?

Mick

Nice one Aru,

I think the revision is a real improvement and makes for better reading.
Once again, a well chosen subject negotiated in a skilful manner.

All the best

Danté