I mixed the two ridiculous’
One; a chance to never meet.
Two; a possible handshake
one day, when our beginnings stretch
so far from the germinating seed,
that we are dried flowers.
Repetitive maybe injuries lust at me,
occasional spaces cramp up with you,
open fields mindfully flatten grasses
where you might walk.
Seaside delusions trace their roots
to a stray word you uttered once
at 7.37 on a Thursday.
And I’m sure you drifted along
that far river bank over there,
with friends I may never see,
delaying our meet for a lax chuckle
among the weeping willows.
So snip away those straggling words
that fall playfully behind you into my path,
each hovering scent you leave
invisibly paper-chased through my sleep,
and quilt my dreams, please,
in the soft eider of some other thought,
and then, just then,
stop letting me think of you.
Stop Letting Me Think Of You
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7463
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Sorry, but I'm lost at the very start! "I mixed the two ridiculous'"? Is there something missing? I don't understand "repetitive maybe injuries lust at me" or indeed "open fields mindfully flatten grass". I did like "invisibly paper-chased through my sleep" and "quilt my dreams" is lovely. Towards the end of the poem it is clearer what you're trying to say but there is too much at the start that is not very accessible. ray
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
hi ray...thanks for replying....the two ridiculous' means both ideas are ridiculous.
repetitive maybe injuries means, injuries caused by continually thinking.........maybe.
open fields mindfully flatten grass...means....in my mind, i see fields of grass, and where you might have walked its flattened.
glad you liked some of it, cheers
El
repetitive maybe injuries means, injuries caused by continually thinking.........maybe.
open fields mindfully flatten grass...means....in my mind, i see fields of grass, and where you might have walked its flattened.
glad you liked some of it, cheers
El
I get it. Its like when someone tickles you too much... It becomes painful but gives you so much pleasure.
I like; occasional spaces cramp up with you, simple but effective.
Im also going to question; Repetitive maybe injuries lust at me. Maybe you could leave out "Maybe"
I find that if its not natural to say it in normal speach, then it might look more complicated then the meaning.
Love the ending though.
I like; occasional spaces cramp up with you, simple but effective.
Im also going to question; Repetitive maybe injuries lust at me. Maybe you could leave out "Maybe"
I find that if its not natural to say it in normal speach, then it might look more complicated then the meaning.
Love the ending though.
El
I actually found this rather poetic, the flatten grasses, I took to be wishful anticipation
of those footsteps. "Repetitive maybe injuries lust at me" I thought needs a little work as it
stretches the logic a little too far.
You have a lovely way of making tangible images come over with a fresh feel, other than
the above, I had no difficulty enjoying the poem's visual output.
Enjoyable stuff
thanks
Danté
I actually found this rather poetic, the flatten grasses, I took to be wishful anticipation
of those footsteps. "Repetitive maybe injuries lust at me" I thought needs a little work as it
stretches the logic a little too far.
You have a lovely way of making tangible images come over with a fresh feel, other than
the above, I had no difficulty enjoying the poem's visual output.
Enjoyable stuff
thanks
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch