Poetry Forum

Pressing on

Water seeps into the soil
and freezes,
breaking down ploughed
spoils, opening the hard
compacted earth to elements.

Injuries that struck bone
throughout my life
have healed to the eye,
but aches come to mind
as I rise and stretch each day.

On the sun-baked clay
and well trod paths
or mistral-thinned cover
of ripe seeding grass
is where my pains disperse.

No certainty I’ll stroll
and have the shrill
of curlews calling down
an evening’s swathe
to thrill my sense of sight.

I am sure life’s pain
will seep into my joints
if winter once again
finds me, only sleeping!
And remind me I am older.

.

Tim,
This is great from start to finish. I love the rural scenery, lightly stated, my rural mind could fill it in with landscape scences. seeds, soil... yep. like it. The whole thing is tight and has a nice pace. Really and enjoyable read. The passage of time, seasons and growing older, you have done this so well. I am always surprised at the diversity of your material, seem like you can write about any topic.

Hating to sound silly but I can't even tell you the part I enjoyed the most because it all just hit my heart straight on.

Great write.
Suzanne

Hi

I am new to poetry and this is my first post. I really liked this but at first was uncertain why. I had to read it several times. I think I was attracted to it by the language of the countryside. As I read it over I could feel what I've felt many times - my aches and pains seeping away on a country walk. I would have preferred a happier last line as it took me back to feeling old again - but that's just me.

Thank you for sharing.

Nice title, Tim, and you express well what we all feel about the dreaded aging process. As somebody said to me recently - it was my doctor, alarmingly enough - "it's all downhill from here".

Still, going downhill you can enjoy the scenery even more, I find.

Cheers

David

really excellent piece of verse, loved it, hope there was no connection between Shelley's curlews and yours.(They went crazy shrieking as his body was burned on a beach, with byron watching).
El

Have you opened a bottle yet?

Right, the poem. is frozen solid would be better replaced with freezes.

Water seeps into the soil
and freezes,

Injuries that struck bone -
throughout my life

All life's
bone-deep injuries - just a thought.

...and don't remind me how old I am again.

nice one

Barrie

Grand! But I liked S2 the most. Thanks for sharing this one, Tim.
Cheers.

Dante,

I liked this, I think you have a knack of describing the movements and actions of water, the first stanza in particular has great imagery. I loved "compacted earth to elements", there's a double meaning there for me in "elements", either the weather or the elements of the soil, and either one works.

Pressing on

Water seeps into the soil
and is frozen solid,
breaking down ploughed
spoils, opening the hard
compacted earth to elements. >I think this is the best stanza so it's a good start to the poem

Injuries that struck bone
throughout my life
have healed to the eye,
but aches come to mind
as I rise and stretch each day. > Love this stanza

On the sun-baked clay
and well trod paths
or mistral-thinned cover
of ripe seeding grass, this
is where my pains disperse.

No certainty that I’ll stroll
and have the shrill
of curlews calling down
an evening’s swathe
to thrill my sense of sight. >I really like this line and the previous one, they work well together

I am sure life’s pain
will seep into my joints >I think this could be "creep", you used "seep" in the first stanza and I think it works well there.
if winter finds me,
once again, only sleeping! > I just switched the word arrangement around, I don't know if that sounds better though
And remind me I am older. >nice last line

Just a few suggestions, I like this a lot, and it's a good poem for New Year

Thanks,
Raisin

Thanks Suzanne

Glad you enjoyed the images, and found something to relate to in them.

Thanks Aru, I appreciate the reply.

Barrie, yes thinking about it freezes is grammatically better so I have made a slight edit
to incorporate that correction. Many thanks.

Thanks El, I'll save the burning for the onset of mad cow, and stick it on u tube.
Cheers for the reply.

Thank you David, Yes the downhill has its own merits, the scenery is fine for sure, but the ride, now that's another poem. I appreciate the reply.

Karalma

Thanks for the response, the poem kind of goes full circle and ends with similar things happening in the last verse as the first, only difference is v1 it's the earth, and the last verse it's the narator.

Cheers Raisin, glad you popped by.
I'll ponder your suggestions, I used seep as has already been said in the previous reply, I used it to open and close the poem with for a reason. It's a good suggestion though, and worth thinking about.

Have edited line two, was "and is frozen solid" now reads "and freezes"

All the best to you all

many thanks

Tim