Why is it I?

[karalma]

Why is it I
am locked up in here?
Why is it he
who walks around free?

Why is it I
am blamed for this crime?

I spoke out.
It is not that they didn’t hear
but worse they didn’t believe.

[Dalena]

Karalma

I like this..... I like the frustration that comes through......
You have managed to get the situation/condition....to come across without bogging the verses down
with a situation which might not influence the aspect you have communicated anyway......
It's hard to know what to include.......I think you say enough here.

Thanx

Dalena x

[arunansu]

Nice, but you haven't mentioned what is the "crime"? I like the emotional spill.
Cheers.

[David]

You could be the Count of Monte Cristo, karalma, but I suspect you're not. Or it could be Kafka.

Anyway, the sense of having been wronged comes over very clearly.

Cheers

David

[BenJohnson]

For me this is pitched just right, it is free for the reader to apply to any situation, this could even be about emotion abuse the person locked inside themself due to other's disbelief.

How long ago was it you were posting here saying you were new? Your writing seems to take on more depth everytime I read a new piece.

[karalma]

thanks evreyone.

Ben I'm glad you felt it was free for the reader to apply to any situation. It started off being about a particular "crime" but I came up with these lines first and when I went back to it I liked the fact it could be applied to numerous things so decided to leave it as it was.

I can't believe it's only been a couple of weeks since I started writing. I have learnt so much thanks to everyone on this forum.

cheers

[mesmie]

oh when I first read this the sisters magdalene or the christian brother homes came to my mind.
yes this could be interpreted in very many different ways...neat

[Cat_Brenners]

Good one but I feel we need more imagery and details. Work on those and I think this could be even better.
Cat