Poetry Forum

A simple quandry: In which direction do I place my first step
I am frozen outside the doorway feeling
my spine twist

One foot in one direection, thats all
but who is to say the floor won't move;
crowbar me into the earth.

I am to stand for all time
under the these river chewing clowds
and consider what move to make

Just look at the birds; where ever you are, if you can see them
they prich on that doorway and gather air in their tiny lungs.
They suck the wind of the dust

Once again, some really interesting ideas to digest!

I enjoyed the somewhat conversational tone!
Also loved the last line to bits!

Nice work
Phil

Leigh

It seems that you put some thought into the images, that's the impression anyway
and if that's not the case, it does not matter, they work. My only wish
is for another line, or something to direct my active thoughts towards,
as they were still hunting when the poem finished. In a positive way.

thanks

Danté

Tim,
Yeah, this is definately unfinished, I wrote a few other stanzas to try and finish it but they didn't really work (I thought they were shit). You are right, I did conciously consider the subject on this one (every now and again I do that)

Phil,

I liked the last line best as well, sometimes I think it would be a good idea to just gather up the best lines from various peoms and try to colate them in some way; trouble being that I have a terrible memory. I find that writing a billion mediocre sentences is worth it just for that one that gives the 'hebby jeebies'.

"as junior shakes hot white coconuts from the veiny love tree"

Leigh

The most simple of quandries lead in my experience to the most questions!

Would love to see what you come up with to finish this coz like the others I was left wanting more

But again in a good way..

I thought this was great but was unsure of the last line. Although I liked it it didn't quite seem to fit with the rest. I think it was because as others have said it needed something to finish it.