Poetry Forum

Image

Like a dead short in a fish-tank
a criticism levelled at me
fires the flares, I look inward
before handing out.

An outstretched plea for insight
has the snap of celery,
when underfoot, it crunches.

The flaccid remains don’t enquire
they are simply mulch
requiring no thought to sustain,
spread far and wide when they dry.

.

As usual, another brilliant write. But I had problems with your title. To me, it's like watching your own image in the mirror! S2 is simply adorable. Now the ending does provide some image, gives me the feeling of someone ignoring criticisms( hey, it sounds like ME!).
Enjoyed the read.

It took me a few reads before I could understand any of this but when i did I like the image it created. I think it was the first line that put me off to begin with but once I got past that I really enjoyed.

I liked this a lot, especially the extended celery metaphor. Have you tried it with just the second and third stanzas so that it has more of a haikuic (sic) feel to it? In the last line do you need the 'they', we know already that it is the remains and by omitting it you have 'spread far and wide when dry' which is more resigned in its weary rhythm. I guess you lose the sense of process but it's a fair trade off, no?

But, as I say, the central image is truly arresting and memorable.

Tim,
This is great. Loved it!
Celery has never has such a powerful role, probably in anything, lol.
I am not sure how you do it, this is colorful but you do not actually mention any color.... It is quite amazing. So green.

The beginning diffusion of the water from the fish tank and ending with the scattering of the dry remains is so clever.
I agree with Aru, "S2 is simply adorable."

You are on a roll these days. Another great read.
Suzanne