Poetry Forum

Slap and dash

Drive-by
is his specialty.

He winds down
the window,
waits for his pen
to ejaculate.

After tossing
his ditty
he wheel-spins

hoping the noise
will make
us gasp.

Then

he departs
watching smoke
in his mirror

hang on the air,
a signature
of sorts.

The random
greasy tyre marks
say it all.

.

I really enjoyed this. It reminded me of a lot of young people that I work with. I was unsure of "pen" and "ditty" to begin with but this gave me an image of somebody doing one thing but wanting to create a different image. Not sure if this is right - but then I never am.

Tim

Like the idea of writing being a drive by - random greasy tyre marks is a neat ending.

Hate
the short
lines
thought!!!

A bee in my bonnet on that right now.

Cheers

elph

"Drive-by
is his specialty." - Wonderful opening to the poem.
I like such "slap and dash" sort of poems. The tyre marks of this one will remain with me.
Excellent thought.
Cheers.

Karalma

The pen is used to depict an image of writing that is expelled in the form of ink that becomes words.
There is not always just one way of interpreting an image, although the writer does have an opportunity
and an obligation to steer the reader somewhere near to the desired image. We all read and see what
we see individually, I don´t think everyone has to see things as right, providing that something tangible
snapped into place in the context of the surrounding ideas.

Elph

Thanks for your input, yes the lines are short. I don´t always write such short lines but felt that the
line breaks suited the subject.

Aru

Glad you found something to enjoy in the poem, thanks for your reply

all the best

Tim

Tim,
This was alot of fun.

I was a carhop at a roadside Drive-in Rootbeer stand (no, I did not wear rollerskates but I could have, lol.)
and we often got drive by mooners, or various other drive by "showings".
Your poem reminded my of those days of summer nights, stars and fun in the air. What could happen next?

Great little ditty with such a carefree note,

thanks,
Suzanne

Its always fun to write poetry, and find our grounds in what we do,
keep at it, learn forms and improve, and all around keep writing.

RedStone

Hi Danté,

I like these short lines which do suit the subject. It's like a random thought sort of thing, with an unstrained, quick, jerky movement. These lines I like a lot

watching smoke
in his mirror

hang on the air,
a signature
of sorts.

Sorry, I can't express myself clearly these days.

Thanks,

Lake

an entertaining and scathing description of a speed write/r with attitude and how a reader can be left feeling kind of out-run and off-kilter ... smoke and mirrors really works at the core here, sealing the hot wheels/show-off style referred to ...

i like the apparent simplicity that's actually rather deceptive ...

Great metaphor for the dash of ideas that find their way into poetry. The juxtaposition of 'ejaculate' and 'tossing' are quite obvious to an old reprobate like me and are cleverly interwoven, which adds a further element of enjoyment to an altogether enjoyable write.

Jimmy

hiya Dante

enjoyed slap and dash lots of good images, that flowed down the page . I enjoyed the short lines they conveyed the slap and dash of his work.

ejaculate
tossing
gasp
smoke and greasy mark

he departs
watching smoke
in his mirror

loved the above.

thanks

mes

hi dante,

very enjoyable piece, i don't know that i would change anything. I will also cast my vote in favor of your short, choppy lines. (sorry elph!)

-c

Dante,

I thought I would bring this wonderful summery feeling poem up to the surface as I take off tomorrow for a trip to the USA. One of my treats will be a Rootbeer ice cream float at a drive-in and although this isn't talking Rootbeer, it is close.

Nice sweet little tight ditty here, Dante,

Enjoyed it, again.
Suzanne