Poetry Forum

Her nails grant growth of Elephant tusk.
Her juices the morning dew.
Tears form rivers, streams inland
and oceans aqua blue.

The hair that spun the stallions mane,
the Lions golden weave.
The skin that clad the Orca,
dries brown to autumn leaves.

Hi Binb

I am sure you realise that a lot of the fragments that form the whole of this are
well used descriptions. That said, the way you have put those pieces together makes
the reading enjoyable, with scope for you to play around if you feel inclined
and work with the images to deliver something more individual.
The first line image is one that is eye catching although I am not sure if "grant" is your
best available option. Certainly worth looking at this when you have some free time
as I think you could do a little more with it.

thanks for the read

Danté

Enjoyed the comparisons. Nothing new to add after Tim.
Lovely read.

Hi BINB. I found this very touching indeed. Liked the whey you see, there's an honesty here which is very welcome to read.

There is a simpleness about this to with plenty of power, without being overbearing to the reader. Flowed nicely, BINB. Touching.

Thanks for the sight in was a light enjoyed.

DJL

I think it's too fragmented, B... too abstract even!... weird thing for me to say - eh?
Point form (like this) is more a recipe than a poetic broth. And I'm not suggesting it's metaphorically lacking line by line. I simply like me dots to flow more clearly and connected to avoid leaps of faith - is all!
In fact it reads like a Zoo directory/demographic imo... just saying is all, and I'm always wrong! But then this may well be the response you're looking for

J

reminded me of Dylan Thomas needs expanding and ideas need room to breathe