Dream ( Haibun )

[arunansu]

Face of moon has changed much. The craters have been mostly filled with water; black swans swim in them. Contrary to my expectation, I found the land crowded by a host of departed souls. In a sprawling lawn of an old-age home, my father appeared to be at the pink of his health dressed in his brown suit, talking with some elderly gentlemen. I waved and yelled, but neither did he nor did any of the gentlemen turn around. Their voices were inaudible. On one corner, Mr. Albert Einstein was having some serious chat with Tagore. I saw Helen Keller working on her braille typewriter. Near a decaying fountain, a group of men had gathered around Leonardo da Vinci. He looked like a grand sculpture in his black garb; busy, dissecting a corpse, shaking his head in utter displeasure. Suddenly, I sensed pairs of eyes scrutinizing me. Slowly, they crept closer. I tried to retreat, but they were on all sides. I could feel their breath on my pillow …

smoky visuals
thousand murmuring words
gasping breaths

[Cryptic Cadence]

Hi Arunansu,

For the most part I think you could have done quite well by not making this a haibun. Though if you were experimenting, I can understand. As always, you have some great lines; "my father appeared to be at the pink of his health", "grand sculpture in his black garb". The ending perhaps would have been better if the title didn't give it away, so it almost seems redundant. Then again...the last three poetic lines does make me wonder what exactly you were getting at.

You have been quite cryptic lately

Cheers

[mesmie]

Aru

I have read this several times and it is one to come back to..Lots of good imagery (you have weird dreams) and I really like the haiku at the end too..

thankyou
mes

[Jasper]

Sounds like stage fright to me, A.
Like, never wish for anything, especially notoriety, because you just might have to explain yourself if it happens - eh?
Anyway, neither the script nor the finale are clear enough here IMO
Tis about the progression/translation of ideology/idiom/s, I think!

regards
J

[arunansu]

Thanks Jasper, Mesmie and Cryptic Cadence for your replies. This one is about the fears /weaknesses / our past or even expectations that we have in our unconscious mind. We expect something, but then experience something else. Our depression is more a trance-like feeling, as if a dream. As my haiku says, "smoky visuals" (as if in a dream ), "thousand murmuring words" (laments) and "gasping breath" (fear etc). I used a lot of dark images ( black swans, departed souls etc) here.

Hope this helps.

[Lovely]

Aranusu, I have just stumbled on this piece as I was giving my heart and thoughts to others here. So I'm sorry I did not come sooner.

Bloody hell.........another awesome write!

Who the hell are you......... I love you!

This is good once more.........wow!

I will get back........ the duty calls me now!

DJL