I am putting on weight
At least that's what the scales say
They lie - I hasten to add
Under the bathroom sink
They should hold a sticker - "Use rarely!"
Or rarely used!
I am putting on weight
At least thats what this skirt tells me
As I struggle with the button
It fabricates the truth about my slender youth
Must have shrunk in the wash - cheap old tosh!
I am putting on weight
It shows in the mirror
It distorts my figure
Middle-aged spread....
Its just part of fate
Who am I trying to kid -
I am putting on weight!
Piling on the Pounds
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- Prolific Poster
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Hi and welcome,
Ok, until I read this I didn't know if you were male or female, I bet you're female though!
Women and their weight eh!
I can relate to this as I hear it all the time.
I think you captured the this essence of this very well.
I also quite liked the structure of it, that said I'm no expert but a good write in MHO.
Hope to read more of your stuff soon.
BinB.
Ok, until I read this I didn't know if you were male or female, I bet you're female though!
Women and their weight eh!
I can relate to this as I hear it all the time.
I think you captured the this essence of this very well.
I also quite liked the structure of it, that said I'm no expert but a good write in MHO.
Hope to read more of your stuff soon.
BinB.
Poems everybody...poems.. the laddie fancies himself a poet!..Pink Floyd-The wall.
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- Preternatural Poster
- Posts: 1604
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Hi Jazz
Welcome to PG.
I can so relate to this poem
I think the first 2 stanzas are the strongest. You have some good line breaks here, I especially liked
And you have some good internal rhymes going on with truth/youth and wash/tosh.
It might be worth thinking about not capitalising the start of every line and adding some punctuation to it. This would help give a little more structure to it.
Sharra
x
Welcome to PG.
I can so relate to this poem
I think the first 2 stanzas are the strongest. You have some good line breaks here, I especially liked
giving the double meaning of lie.that's what the scales say
They lie - I hasten to add
Under the bathroom sink
And you have some good internal rhymes going on with truth/youth and wash/tosh.
It might be worth thinking about not capitalising the start of every line and adding some punctuation to it. This would help give a little more structure to it.
Sharra
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits
petal that love waits
I honestly like this it's a clever poem. It has humour with it which is good for such a touchy subject. No pun intended.
It's better sometimes when we don't take ourselves to seriously.
Wish I could put some weight on..............
DJL
It's better sometimes when we don't take ourselves to seriously.
Wish I could put some weight on..............
DJL
- mesmie
- Prolific Poster
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- Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:21 pm
- Location: North West UK
- Contact:
Hello Jazz
ahhhhh weight I rather enjoyed the light-hearted way you dealt with this tender subject...
You have some good rhyme and word play going on and the crit you have already been given is good stuff too..
I look forward to reading more of your stuff..
mes
ahhhhh weight I rather enjoyed the light-hearted way you dealt with this tender subject...
You have some good rhyme and word play going on and the crit you have already been given is good stuff too..
I look forward to reading more of your stuff..
mes