Fire

[backinblack]

Fire elementals sway slowly,
in a ballroom of shrubs and trees.
flames foxtrot on the dance-floor,
to music on the breeze.

Floating embers breach roadsides
and do a cha-cha of their own.
Tinder and tempting countryside,
we’re in the burning zone.

Heat stroked flowers. Petals
succumb to advancing flames.
Gripping mothers umbilical stalk,
their efforts are in vain

[Sharra]

I liked the imagery you create in this BinB.
You have pulled off the rhyme scheme pretty well, although part of me thinks it overshadows the language you are using.
There's some great lines in there, I liked the opening line and Floating embers breach roadsides.
I wonder whether the first line of S3 would read better if you rearranged it to Heat stroked petals flower ?
I wasn't sure what you meant by the last 2 lines though (and the last line should be vain not vein)
I enjoyed reading this.
Sharra
x

[Danté]

I like this potrayal of a bush fire, ejoyed the lines and felt you put a lot of thought into them.
S1 is really good, a great expansion of dancing flames.

I read the final stanza like this,

Heat stroked flowers. Petals
succumb to advancing flames
gripping mother's umbilical stalk.
Their efforts are in vain.

I think it works better read like this.

Good poem, enjoyed loads, good use of umbilical to depict the petals trying to stay attached to the stalk
and personification of the plant.

Danté

[Lovely]

I see you have managed to set the fire of inspiration within us all with this piece BinB.

It's a fantastic write. Some of the lines are awesome here. What a great subject matter too---fire---that great element of Nature one of
five----earth, air, water, fire, ether. Each connected to our own "five" senses". Add the ability of your "heart" to express it----fire-----
then we approach a masterpiece here on canvass or page.

Your 'individuality' is shining through now and long may it thrive and dance in the eternal merry spring of your heart.


Very nice, may those fire-angels continue to inspire the new born poet-seer.

Thanks for the pleasure.

DJL

[arunansu]

You have got something here, BinB, specially the last two lines. Tim has given you a gem of a suggestion, but then of course, it would be your call. Liked your description of a wildfire.

[nar]

Ah-ha... the old BiB is back.

I've liked most of your recent stuff. I did think you'd gone a little Hayseed Dixie on us with the Killing Fields - it had a different pace, which I actually really liked.

This is very BiB - "we’re in the burning zone".

I'd be tempted to try to keep the dancing idea going right to the end. It gets introduced, then (for me) dropped a little to quickly.

It's all nicely worded, and I think you just get away with the rhyme. Good work.

Laters,

- Neil.

[stevj016]

Great poem about a wild fire, the imagery was striking.

[backinblack]

Hi to all, Thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm glad it reached you.
I have slighty altered S3 as per your suggestions.
Thanks for the help.

Best wishes

Binb.

[Jasper]

While I like a lot of what you write, Acca, I wanna see some Dacca... some variety in your works.
In other words, get out of your comfort zone and sweat a little, please fella lol

No one's yet bled to death on these forums, have they?

J

[backinblack]

Thanks Jasper, I am forever trying to bring the Dacca.
I find myself drawn to my former style!
What i'm trying to say is that i find it easier to write in meter.
I have managed a few free verse writes but nothing great, the war goes on.
Thanks for your thoughts.

B.