Monsoon

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Danté
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Tue Mar 31, 2009 6:32 pm

Monsoon.mp3
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Monsoon

A splash, albeit an expected one,
turquoise and amber rippling outwards.
Seraph, wears dark and light shades
while clothes are getting torn for
a few quiet men, all gifted but despised.

Divinity, completely undressed
ruefully deploys her full frontal form
to pacify an eager, angry mob.
Once! They labelled her as a cradling slut!
She whimpers until her innermost
folds, are lapped by hungry tongues.

A shudder of her twitching form
to rally a chant from the gifted, quiet few,
slung in a twisted heap by the open door
like a pair of wet stockings
that clung to the curves of her legs.


.
Last edited by Danté on Sat Jun 26, 2010 7:19 am, edited 2 times in total.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
backinblack
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Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:06 pm

I enjoyed this one again,you seem to have a habit of writing great poetry.
another vision filled write, also pretty deep in my view.
Great stuff between the lines also.
Great write.


B.
Poems everybody...poems.. the laddie fancies himself a poet!..Pink Floyd-The wall.
Suzanne
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Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:17 pm

Tim,

Wow, this was a powerful thing. The images are so strong, I admire your ability to show such vivid color with so few words. Wow, again. It certainly isn't a comforting piece to read, quite unsettling, uncomfortable.
Having some experience with institutions filled with men like you described, I could relate to an underlying frustration.

Very interesting material. I love the curve of her legs with wet stockings. Great read. Thanks.

The audio is such a rich addition! I loved that!
Suzanne
arunansu
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 5:28 am

Powerful write Dante, I loved your recitation once again. Interesting title. I'm hearing this repeatedly to get the inner meaning. Captivating stuff.
Lovely
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:30 am

Dante, it is the first verse it is so beautiful, I shake to the next.


A very deep write this. Loved it loads.

DJL
nar
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 11:36 am

Hi, Tim.

I can't add much to what the others have said. This is really very good. Your delivery on the audio adds much to the overall feel, and helps solidify the words.

Cheers,

- Neil.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
stevj016
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:00 pm

Hi,

Really good poem, the imagery i saw was great.

Thanks,
Stevj016.
Lovely
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:42 pm

Dante loved this much a brilliant write honest.

Pow. You!

DJL
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mesmie
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Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:51 pm

Tim

A splendid write sir...together with your audio it paints an extremely vital pciture..loved it!

mes
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