Poetry Forum

Where am i…. who am i…. when im aware… I do these things that I constantly do……
Who am i…. where am i…. why does it feel grey… when the skies are blue……
What am i…. why am i…. constantly debating… yet cant stop thinking bout you…..
Why am i… what am i…. if I cant be honest… then I cant be true……
How did i…. when did i…. lose my confidence… my understanding of life….
When did I…. how did I…. contemplate death… slit my wrists with a knife…..
When will i…. what will i…. become in the future… if I had the choice…..
What will I…. when will i…. remember the sound… of my own inner voice……

So Who Am I?... And Where Am I?… im the lost and forgotten…. On the road to change….

So What Am I?... And Why Am I?.... im the selfish and confused… the mind that travelled and got lost out of range….

When Did I?... How Did I?... sacrifice my trust in people…. And now get to this place where I don’t remember who I am….

What Will I?... When Will I?.... do what I should of done a life time ago……. Concentrate on a new begining and begin a new plan….

Not quite sure what to make of this, an interesing structure for sure.

A lot of questioning directed at your reader in this post, and depiction of a cry for help.
On the crit side of things, I´m not sure it delivers a lot of reward for the reader
and I personally think there is a lot of text here saying nothing specific
that could be condensed and possibly manipulated to deliver more.
If you were looking to present drama, you need a better vehicle altogether.

Lets see what other folk make of it, maybe I´m missing the point
I´ll keep an open mind and come back.

all the best

Danté

Suicide - eh?
How can one contemplate a plan when they don't know Who Where Why they are or going?

Strange premise

J

Dear Dabel,

I'm afraid you are not giving anything for the reader to conjure what's going on here. What I get is:

I do these things that I constantly do
when the skies are blue
constantly debating
yet cant stop thinking bout you
lose my confidence
my understanding of life
contemplate death
slit my wrists with a knife ... why the N needs to take such a drastic step? Not clear.

Wish you a better luck with revision. Knowing your talent, I'm sure you're capable of giving us better stuffs. Smiles.

I think the above crits are good and genuine from the heart i would take
them gladly on board.

I will get back on this promise.

D J Lovely

not sure of what to make of this.

It isn't the most attractive poem to look at and this may put readers off.

Also it asks more questions then it gives answers.

A strange one this.............