Lonely Bards' Column

[rantingpete]

Lonely Bards’ Column

Loquacious tea drinker
Vivacious free-thinker
Roll-up smoker, demented joker
Ex revivalist mod
Anti-royalist sod
Flat renter, lamenter, inventor of prose
Owner and donor of all I compose
Unknown songwriter and peoples’ poet
Frightened of heights but I never show it
Recently redundant postal manager
Largely despondent parcel packager
Claimer of contribution-based job seekers’ allowance
Namer and shamer of any disturbance
Non-practicing Catholic, 50’s beatnik, always lethargic
Snare drumming gunslinger
Guitar strumming pub singer
Lover of jeans, hater of trousers, detester of suits
Joiner of queues, singer of blues, wearer of boots
Somerfield shopper, inquisitive eavesdropper
Tactile, fertile, touchy feely
Honest, modest, yours sincerely
Cat lover but not owner
A moaner and loner
Street crime preventer
Charity shop frequenter
Owner of a painful curvature of the spine
I preach and teach, but don’t undermine
Mower of lawns, chess playing king and taker of pawns
Electric razor shaver, chocolate craver
Slave to the lottery, forever in reverie
Confidence lacker, underdog backer
Charlton Athletic supporter, lazy ripsnorter
Roving reporter
Fanzine producer, sometimes cannabis abuser
For medical reasons, lover of seasons
Listener of folk, a decent bloke
Lover of punk, hoarder of junk
Worrier of gas leaks, climber of small peaks
30 inch waist, stony faced, pasta eater
Internet hater, drug debater, email deleter
Dog walker bullshit talker childless wannabe dad
Private speaker, bedroom streaker, sometimes Jack the Lad
Biscuit dunking alcohol abstainer
Exam flunking caravan maintainer
No points Rover Ascot driver
Top board, no fear belly-flop diver
Extended no claims bonus motorist
Splendid no fame spineless lyricist
Nosey neighbour, biscuit tin raider, registered first-aider
Carpet sweeper, light sleeper, midnight creeper
Rosemary grower, frisbee thrower
A victim of knife-crime, ranter of street rhyme
Text joke receiver, world peace believer
Grater of cheese, desperate to please
Labour voting floating anarchist
70’s vinyl collector, death-bound snail protector
Dream stealer, freewheeler
Washer-upper, dryer-upper, I’d love a cuppa
Gazebo erector, conscientious objector
Culture saver, closet raver
Magazine defacer, toilet-roll replacer
Wearer of headphones, reader of gravestones

Seeks like-minded poets for quiet nights in ranting

[brianedwards]

Fun list poem. I mostly enjoyed but think it could be shorter? Quite a few darlings here that could probably be killed. Some lines don't really move the poem forward. The victim of knife crime line adds some interesting depth and possibly stronger as an ending?

Just a few thoughts for you to throw around.

Thanks for the read.

B.

[arunansu]

Oops! I'm out of breath! A lovely read, but needs some trimming. Loved the rhyme and smooth flow of the piece. Specially, these lines:
"Lover of jeans, hater of trousers, detester of suits
Joiner of queues, singer of blues, wearer of boots"

Wow, that's fun~

[nar]

Ha, that's pretty good, pete.

I'm with the others in saying it's a tad long. However your reference to 'ranting' in the very last word almost gets you off the hook .

Grater of cheese, desperate to please

That's either very funny, or a dreadful forced rhyme. I can't decide. Perhaps both

Nice write, cheers.

- Neil.

[David]

Really good. Made me smile or laugh at several points, which is always welcome. I know, in theory, it ought to be too long, but it just doesn't seem too long to me. I got into the groove, and liked it a lot.

Cheers

David

[LaMOi]

Definately, im too lazy for looong poems... But snappy all the same, really enjoyed it!

[rantingpete]

Thanks folks. I wanted to keep it truthful which meant I was limited to what I could and couldn't use. It took 2 whole days and almost sent me ga-ga!