A retelling of Orpheus

[Christos]

Hello everybody,

I've recently been experimenting with recording a few readings of poems and I decided to put them up on Soundcloud. The poems are part of a collection I've been working on, a retelling of the myth of Orpheus, focusing especially on his dismemberment and floating in the sea.

This is a completely new venture for me and I would really appreciate constructive feedback. I'm not 100% happy with my readings of the poems at all, though I do like some parts.

Have a listen if you'd like: https://soundcloud.com/vital-fibres/set ... and-loop-a

Thanks again,

[Antcliff]

Hello Christos,

welcome to PG. It is a good idea of you post the text of the poem up as well. The PGers can comment on the poem as such if they wish.

Best wishes,
Seth

[Christos]

Thanks Seth, there are quite a few poems that I've recorded and the text is on the information box for each recording on soundcloud.

You are right however, on needing to have the text here as well. So this is the first one:

Dispersion and Loop

It’s splintered
from where I placed it
it broke off into thin sparks
strings ten thousand strong
a leaping song
like a doe dodging a god
a feathered arrow
it struck and plundered
my variable heart
I rested it awhile
somnolent, forgetful
perceived by no one
then it flew
it flew away from me
it flew towards me
it twirled and hooped
it broke off into strips of shining
eloped into the sun
flanked the mountain
my severed sharpness
I forgot, I slept, I dreamed
lakes of language
then it grew
it grew a sail and travelled
a shield of talking
a scroll unravelled
a round thing, a lined thing,
a rolling, a stasis, a sweeping
inside it blossomed, outside it stretched
clever and roaming
a fine thing
a weeping.