Guanyin

[Lake]

Here's another version for now, which incorporated suggestions form Geoff.

Guanyin

You come with a smile
brush me with a willow branch
nourish me with clear dew from the water jar
Parched souls shout from the wilderness
your reply is the most beautiful echo

Lotus flower holds your feet, like clouds
light and graceful, to rescue me from the turbid river
to moor my dream to the lotus pond, to the fragrant
green shade, where it rises, in the chattering of stars
distills into a water droplet on the tip of a leaf

When my head is heavy as a rock
muscles and bones saturated with fatigue
you are my
forever young mother


Guanyin

You come with a smile
brush me with a willow branch
nourish me with clear dew from the water jar
The parched soul shouts from the wilderness
your reply is the most beautiful echo

Lotus flower holds your feet, like clouds
light and graceful, to rescue me from the turbid river
to moor my dream to the lotus pond; fragrant
green shade, in the chattering of stars, is distilled
to a water droplet on the tip of a lotus leaf

When my head is heavy as a rock
muscles and bones saturated with fatigue
you are my
forever young mother


观音
--李加建

含笑而来，以杨枝拂我
滋润我，以净瓶之水的甘露
燥热的灵魂在荒原上呼喊
你是应答的最美回声

莲花托你双足如云，轻盈
拯我于浑浊的河流
把梦泊向荷塘、那清香的绿荫
在星星的碎语里、升华为
荷叶上一颗小小水珠

当头颅沉重如磐石
疲惫浸透筋骨
你是我
永远年青的小母亲

[twoleftfeet]

Hi Lake,

WOW! You are averaging about one translation a week! I'm impressed!

IN S1 there are a couple of typos:

You come with a smile
brush me with a willow branch
nourish me with clear dew from the water jar
The parched soul shouts from the wilderness
your reply is the most beautiful echo

In S2 , although I don't understand

......; fragrant
green shade, in the chattering of stars, is distilled
to a small water drop on the tip of a lotus leaf

- I think you could shorten "small water drop" to "water droplet"

Nice one (again!)
Geoff
btw what does "Guanyin" mean?

[Lake]

Hi Lake,

WOW! You are averaging about one translation a week! I'm impressed!

IN S1 there are a couple of typos:

You come with a smile
brush me with a willow branch
nourish me with clear dew from the water jar
The parched soul shouts from the wilderness
your reply is the most beautiful echo

Thank you very much, Geoff. I translate when I don't have anything to write.

'dew' vs. 'dews', I can't use plural here, can I? Or is it like 'suffering' and 'sufferings' explained in your other post?

'The parched soul shouts', you are right. What if it is 'The parched', can I say 'The parched shout'?

In S2 , although I don't understand

......; fragrant
green shade, in the chattering of stars, is distilled
to a small water drop on the tip of a lotus leaf

- I think you could shorten "small water drop" to "water droplet"

I don't quite understand it either. I'll think about it again. 'water droplet' is very good, I'll use it.

btw what does "Guanyin" mean?

Guanyin is the bodhisattva associated with compassion as venerated by East Asian Buddhists, usually as a female (however others believed Guanyin as a male).In China, Guanyin is usually shown in a white flowing robe and usually wears necklaces of Indian/Chinese royalty. In the right hand is a water jar containing pure water, and the left holds a willow branch. In the West, it is more popular known as Goddess of Mercy

More info can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guan_Yin

I think I'm done with Damo, Huineng and Guanyin for the time being.

Thanks for your help, Geoff, as always.

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

'dew' vs. 'dews', I can't use plural here, can I? Or is it like 'suffering' and 'sufferings' explained in your other post?

I'm just going by what "feels" right to me here, Lake. I'm very confident, but I can't give you a reason.
I suppose "dew" is, in itself, a bunch of water droplets (plural). Strangely enough, there are times when we use the
plural of water e.g the "waters of the NIle"

'The parched soul shouts', you are right. What if it is 'The parched', can I say 'The parched shout'?

I suppose you could, but I think "the thirsty" would be better because "parched" has other meanings besides thirsty.


Thanks for the info on GUANYIN - the poem makes more sense now.
I'm still pondering
......; fragrant
green shade, in the chattering of stars, is distilled
to a small water drop on the tip of a lotus leaf

What is being distilled - is it the shade or the stars?

Or is it
"Under fragrant green shade, to the chattering of stars, a water droplet is distilled on the tip of a lotus leaf"?
Or maybe
"Beneath fragrant green shade, to the sound of chattering stars, a water droplet condenses on the tip of a lotus leaf"?
(or any possible combination of the above?)

Regards
Geoff

[Lake]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you very much for spending time on this. I think you always scratch where it itches.

'dew' vs. 'dews', I can't use plural here, can I? Or is it like 'suffering' and 'sufferings' explained in your other post?

I'm just going by what "feels" right to me here, Lake. I'm very confident, but I can't give you a reason.
I suppose "dew" is, in itself, a bunch of water droplets (plural). Strangely enough, there are times when we use the
plural of water e.g the "waters of the NIle"

Very interesting. Singular or plural is always a problem to me. In Chinese, generally, nouns don't have plural forms. You can add numerical classifiers in front a noun, but the noun doesn't change its form. For example, 一个苹果 (one apple), 两个苹果（two apples), no matter how many apples, it is always 苹果。 But we do have plurals in pronouns.

I suppose you could, but I think "the thirsty" would be better because "parched" has other meanings besides thirsty.

The original meaning is hot and dry, so I wanted to find a word that has both of the meanings.

I'm still pondering
......; fragrant
green shade, in the chattering of stars, is distilled
to a small water drop on the tip of a lotus leaf

What is being distilled - is it the shade or the stars?

Or is it
"Under fragrant green shade, to the chattering of stars, a water droplet is distilled on the tip of a lotus leaf"?
Or maybe
"Beneath fragrant green shade, to the sound of chattering stars, a water droplet condenses on the tip of a lotus leaf"?
(or any possible combination of the above?)

You are correct. This is a big problem. This leads to another characteristics of the Chinese language - the relationship between a subject and verb is not as close as that in English; sometimes, the reader has to fill in the blanks. But when it is translated into English, it has to follow the English rules.

Your two suggestions are enlightening, making me go back to read the poem again. My tentative understanding is the "dream" and /or "I" are distilled. Does it make any sense? I'll mull it over for a bit longer.

Best,

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Hi again, Lake

I suppose you could say "the parched"
but I think "the thirsty" would be better because "parched" has other meanings besides thirsty.

The original meaning is hot and dry, so I wanted to find a word that has both of the meanings.

Fair enough - I would go with "Parched souls shout.." , i.e. omitting "the"

Your two suggestions are enlightening, making me go back to read the poem again. My tentative understanding is the "dream" and /or "I" are distilled. Does it make any sense? I'll mull it over for a bit longer.

"I" makes sense: meditation revealing our true nature etc.
Where does "dream" come from?

Geoff

[Lake]

Hi again, Geoff,

Fair enough - I would go with "Parched souls shout.." , i.e. omitting "the"

"I" makes sense: meditation revealing our true nature etc.
Where does "dream" come from?

I like the plural form "Parched souls", will use it.

"dream"? As in these lines,

to rescue me from the turbid river
to moor my dream to the lotus pond;

where 'me' and 'dream' both are objects. That's how I interpreted it.

Thanks for your rendition, it's very helpful. Here's another try of S2, see if it's better.

Lotus flower holds your feet, like clouds
light and graceful, to rescue me from the turbid river
to moor my dream to the lotus pond. Under fragrant
green shade, to the sound of chattering stars, I am distilled
to a water droplet on the tip of a lotus leaf

Many thanks,
Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Lake,

This is a really toughie because of the subject matter.
We need to get the Dalai Llama to join PG

Do we need to translate the "I" that is distilled to include the idea of "dream"?
I'm getting the idea that the poet may be implying that his mind is really in two parts - the "monkey mind" which must be tamed (i.e. moored"/tethered) to the Higher mind ("Lotus") . On the other hand I may be reading too much into it..
Perhaps we can say "Me" is distilled?

Now I'm having my doubts about "distilled to" : "distilled into" may be better. Even that doesn't look quite right..

Geoff

[Lake]

Thanks Geoff for your detailed reading and time spent on this translation.

Regards,

Lake