With heartfelt thanks to Agnes Pongracz
Berze Grammar School, Gyongyos,
without whom the introduction to the poetry of Jozsef Attila,
not to mention the Hungarian language,
would have been impossible.
József Attila: A Dunánál
A rakodópart alsó kövén ültem,
néztem, hogy úszik el a dinnyehéj.
Alig hallottam, a sorsomba merülten,
Hogy fecseg a felszín, hallgat a mély.
Mintha szívemből folyt volna tova,
Zavaros, bölcs és nagy volt a Duna.
I sit on the quayside by the landing,
watching a melon rind come drifting by.
I reflect on my fate, quietly observing
surface susurrations, sensing the calm below.
It's as if my troubled heart were at the source
of the troubled, wild, but wise old Danube.
Mint az izmok, ha dolgozik az ember,
Reszel kalapál, vályogot vet,ás,
Úgy pattant, úgy feszült, úgy ernyedt el
Minden hullám és minden mozdulás.
S mint édesanyám, ringatott, mesélt,
S mosta a város minden szennyesét.
Like muscles at work when they lift an axe,
or go to the harvest, or hammer, or dig,
so does the water tighten, surge, relax,
on its rolling current, its breeze-blown wave.
It's like a mother, her child held close and caressed,
washing away the dirt from Budapest.
És elkezdett az eső cseperészni,
de mintha mindegy lett volna, el is állt.
És mégis, mind aki barlangból nézi
A hosszú esőt-néztem a határt:
Egykedvű, örök eső módra hullt,
Színtelenül, mi tarka volt a múlt.
A drizzle started, dampening the morning,
but it wasn't really trying and stopped again.
Looking out, like someone under an awning
who watches the rain - I gazed over the plain;
a twilight that seems it may infinitely last,
greyness over all that once shone, the past.
A Duna csak folyt. És min a termékeny,
Másra gondoló anyának ölén
A kisgyerme, úgy játszadoztak szépen
És nevetgéltek a habok felém.
Az idő árján úgy remegtek ők,
Mint sírköves, dülöngő temetők.
The Danube flows. And like a tiny child
dreaming happily on a loving mother's knee,
cradled and embraced, gently smiled upon,
each playful ripple seems to wave at me;
but all shudders on the flood of past events
like tumbling tombstones, dead monuments.
Én úgy vagyok, hogy már százezer éve
nézem,amit meglátok hirtelen.
Egy pillanat, s kész az idő egésze,
Mint százezer ős szemlélget velem.
A hundred thousand years I have been gazing
without seeing what there is to see.
A flash, suddenly time is fully-grown, embracing
what generations have known, now shown to me.
Látom, mit ők nem láttak, mert kapáltak,
Öltek öleltek, tették,ami kell.
S ők látják azt, az anyagba leszálltak,
Mit én nem látok, ha vallani kell.
I see even the unseen, a people defending,
embracing, digging, murdering, trying to make a living.
I see them now, into cold death descending,
I can see, I am here to testify.
Tudunk egymásról,mint öröm és bánat.
Enyém a múlt és övék a jelen.
Verset írunk-ők fogják a ceruzámat
S én nézem őket és emlékezem.
We must relate, like the blesséd to the damn’d,
but to me is the past and to them is today;
We write poems together - my pencil in their hand,
I sense them, listen, remember what they say.
Anyám kún volt, az apám félig székely,
Félig román, vagy tán egészen az .
Anyám szájából édes volt az étel,
Apám szájából szép volt az igaz.
Mikor mozdulok ők ölelik egymást.
Elszomorodom néha emiatt-
Ez az elmúlás. Ebből vagyok.”Meglásd,
Ha majd nem leszünk!…” -megszólítanak.
Mother was Kún, Father was Székely,
partly, or maybe, pure Romanian.
From Mother's lips the food was sweet and tasty,
from Father's lips the truth was radiant.
They embrace again, my memories now go stirring
to fill my heart with deep melancholy:
we are mortal. I am alone, these thoughts re-occurring,
"Just wait, (they say) we'll all soon be gone!..." -
Megszólítanak, mert ők én vagyok már;
Gyenge létemre így vagyok erős,
Ki emlékszem, hogy több vagyok a soknál,
Mert az őssejtig vagyok minden ős-
Az Ős vagyok, mely sokasodni foszlik:
Apám- s anyámmá válok boldogon,
S apám,anyám maga is kettéoszlik
S én lelkes Eggyé így szaporodom!
They call, I know we are one: this one-ness
has helped make me strong, for I remember well
that I am every parent in the boundless
succession to the primal single lonely cell.
I become my own father and mother
when my father and mother, procreating,
create me and none other!
A világ vagyok-minden, ami volt, van:
A sok nemzetség mely egymásra tör.
A honfoglalók győznek velem holtan,
S a meghódoltak kínja meggyötör.
Árpád és Zalán, Werbőczy és Dózsa-
Török,tatár,tót, román kavarog
E szívben, mely e múltnak már adósa
Szelíd jövővel -mai magyarok!
I am the world - the old and endless story:
clan fighting clan for creed, for guile or greed.
I march among conquerors in all their glory,
I suffer with the conquered in abject defeat.
Árpád and Zalán, Werböczi and Dózsa:
Slavs, Mongols, Turks, all the hordes of barbarians.
With me, come redeem this long tale of misery
and face a gentle future - as new Hungarians!
…Én dolgozni akarok. Elegendő
harc, hogy a multat be kell vallani.
A Dunánál, mely múlt, jelen,s jövendő,
Egymást ölelik lágy hullámai.
A harcot, amelyet őseink vívtak,
Békévé oldja az emlékezés
S rendezni végre közös dolgainkat,
Ez a mi munkánk; és ez nem kevés.
...I want to work. It's hard for human nature
to make a real confession of all that we've done.
The Danube, which is our past, our present and our future,
has pulled us in, tenderly, as its swift waters run.
From the blood of our fathers shed in former wars
flows peace, a common memory and mutual regard,
a promise of order, a tolerant way to live.
This is our task. It will be hard.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Again, all credit to Agnes Pongracz who brought this poem to my non-Hungarian attention. All I have really done is to take astonishing liberties with her excellent initial translation (http://www.iearn.hu/balkans/bpeople/jozsefa.htm) and to make totally uncalled for revisions. Nevertheless, it was a labour of love to bring this poet, Jozsef Attila, to the attention of friends. If this causes people to seek out other poems or more information on the man then I reckon my work is somewhat justified. My thanks also to Gematria who responded below and whose advice I followed in revising the first two stanzas. Please come back and help me with the rest!!
Jozsef Attila: The Danube
Here are some thoughts on just the first two stanzas. I'll comment on the rest later.
In stanza 1, "on the flow" sounds forced. It doesn't add anything to the poem other than filling out the meter. I can see why you translated "fecseg" of line four as "ripples," but the original emphasizes the noise made by the surface, and then contrasts it with the quietude of "hallgat a mély" in the second half of the line, where "hallgat" has the lovely dual meaning of "hushing" as well as "listening." I would suggest that you find some way to emphasize this contrast in the line. As it stands, the line in your English is much weaker than the original. Line 5 in your version is good, but the "mighty force" of line 6 seems hugely out of place. The sounds of lines 5 and 6 in the original, with the repeated "ol" syllables, suggest the sound of the water's surge. I'd go for something like: "As though my pumping heart lay at its source/ The wise, wild, mighty Danube surged on course."
In stanza 2, the impersonal "you" of "your muscles", though it is usually a good translation for the impersonal "ember," has the wrong connotation here. I would leave "ember" as "man" or perhaps "one." "Grave" in the next line seems like too much license, as it is not in the original and, moreover, introduces the idea of mortality whereas the stanza itself is about life and renewal. Line 11 makes no sense, since the water is being compared to a mother, in the original, and not a child.
In stanza 1, "on the flow" sounds forced. It doesn't add anything to the poem other than filling out the meter. I can see why you translated "fecseg" of line four as "ripples," but the original emphasizes the noise made by the surface, and then contrasts it with the quietude of "hallgat a mély" in the second half of the line, where "hallgat" has the lovely dual meaning of "hushing" as well as "listening." I would suggest that you find some way to emphasize this contrast in the line. As it stands, the line in your English is much weaker than the original. Line 5 in your version is good, but the "mighty force" of line 6 seems hugely out of place. The sounds of lines 5 and 6 in the original, with the repeated "ol" syllables, suggest the sound of the water's surge. I'd go for something like: "As though my pumping heart lay at its source/ The wise, wild, mighty Danube surged on course."
In stanza 2, the impersonal "you" of "your muscles", though it is usually a good translation for the impersonal "ember," has the wrong connotation here. I would leave "ember" as "man" or perhaps "one." "Grave" in the next line seems like too much license, as it is not in the original and, moreover, introduces the idea of mortality whereas the stanza itself is about life and renewal. Line 11 makes no sense, since the water is being compared to a mother, in the original, and not a child.
Please ignore my initial comments which for the sake of reference will be included below. I have revised the first two stanzas in accordance with some of your suggestions, but I am really struggling in the dark since I have practically no knowledge of the Magyar language. In that case, you have no business offering a translation !! comes the sensible rejoinder. This is true, but not entirely helpful if nobody else comes forward.
The poem created a wonderful effect when I read it in an English translation from an enthusiastic admirer of Attila but (to attuned ears) obviously a non-native speaker of English*. What started as an exercise in "brushing up" the English (giving it more of a natural flow) ended up with errors in translation which you were kind enough to point out and which I was very interested to receive.
My initial quick response (below) may have given the impression that I was complacent about the translation as being "close enough" and had no intention of pursuing things further. This is not the case, and I would like to hear more from you if you have the time. I would dearly like to make use of your evident knowledge of the language to create an English translation that is as close as possible to the original not only in content but also sounds, nuances and inflections.
Ridiculous? Translations always are, on one level or another, but how else can poems in non-dominant languages (I include Gaelic here, of course!) come to the attention of a wider audience? I'm not sure if you'll even see this message --- maybe a forlorn PM will be possible to arouse your attention? -- but if you do, I hope you might consider a collaboration on the remaining stanzas of the poem, and even a rewrite of the first two!!
Brendan
* I have struggled with 2-3 other languages -- not Hungarian! -- to a certain degree of competency; and whereas I can speak them with the illusion of rapid fluency, I would be very hesitant about putting pen to paper!! That's where the mistakes really show. I have no particular belief in the superiority of English as one language among others. The vocabulary is an ongoing delight but the verb tenses lack precision and delineations of time become rather crude as in such constructions as, "If a person shall have been deemed to have entered upon such an agreement, before but not following the time period herinafter designated, he or she shall ... blah blah". English speakers (generally those who speak no other language) will say this is legal or specific wording. That is exactly the point. In order to attain precision the language has to go into contortions. Nevertheless, it is a World Language with a very large number of non-native speakers ... one of the reasons I have been able to settle in Japan.
Original, rather quick, and perhaps off-putting reply:
Wow. Thanks. I got close, maybe nearly there ... this "translation" comes from Hungarian-English as discovered on the Internet and not from the original. Perhaps you could help things along, as you seem familiar with the language?
The poem created a wonderful effect when I read it in an English translation from an enthusiastic admirer of Attila but (to attuned ears) obviously a non-native speaker of English*. What started as an exercise in "brushing up" the English (giving it more of a natural flow) ended up with errors in translation which you were kind enough to point out and which I was very interested to receive.
My initial quick response (below) may have given the impression that I was complacent about the translation as being "close enough" and had no intention of pursuing things further. This is not the case, and I would like to hear more from you if you have the time. I would dearly like to make use of your evident knowledge of the language to create an English translation that is as close as possible to the original not only in content but also sounds, nuances and inflections.
Ridiculous? Translations always are, on one level or another, but how else can poems in non-dominant languages (I include Gaelic here, of course!) come to the attention of a wider audience? I'm not sure if you'll even see this message --- maybe a forlorn PM will be possible to arouse your attention? -- but if you do, I hope you might consider a collaboration on the remaining stanzas of the poem, and even a rewrite of the first two!!
Brendan
* I have struggled with 2-3 other languages -- not Hungarian! -- to a certain degree of competency; and whereas I can speak them with the illusion of rapid fluency, I would be very hesitant about putting pen to paper!! That's where the mistakes really show. I have no particular belief in the superiority of English as one language among others. The vocabulary is an ongoing delight but the verb tenses lack precision and delineations of time become rather crude as in such constructions as, "If a person shall have been deemed to have entered upon such an agreement, before but not following the time period herinafter designated, he or she shall ... blah blah". English speakers (generally those who speak no other language) will say this is legal or specific wording. That is exactly the point. In order to attain precision the language has to go into contortions. Nevertheless, it is a World Language with a very large number of non-native speakers ... one of the reasons I have been able to settle in Japan.
Original, rather quick, and perhaps off-putting reply:
Wow. Thanks. I got close, maybe nearly there ... this "translation" comes from Hungarian-English as discovered on the Internet and not from the original. Perhaps you could help things along, as you seem familiar with the language?