Farewell to my Brother

[Lake]

Um.. I like skein because it conjures up a sight we can relate to. I also think that "wild" could probably be dropped.

The reason I changed "fly" to "leave" (and I admit I don't know the subtleties of the ideogram) is that the poem is about leaving. If you fly together you have not left one behind. In my mind I pictured an injured goose, left to it's fate as the north wind of winter sets in, alone on the lake as it's brothers fly south.

Steve

Hi Steve,

Thanks for the revisit. And thank you for teaching me a new word. "fly together" indicates geese, we humans of course "leave together'. In this poem, it is just used as a simili. Is that coincident you say "alone on the lake"?

Thanks everyone for the input.

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Hi Geoff,

Sorry for the late reply, I've been busy with some stuff that I dislike but I have to do.

Yes, the brother is going, the sister is staying, you're 100% correct. "fly together', is supposed to mean they cannot go together like the wild geese that can fly together. But if it sounds as if they are going away together, then the expression is problematic. Here's another version that takes your sugguestion "fly away".

We wave farewell on the road when clouds rise,
by the roadside pavilion leaves grow sparse.
I sigh that we aren't the same as wild geese,
who fly away in lines without remorse.

How does that sound? Thanks again.

Lake

Hi, Lake

You are the only person equipped to interpret the ideograms, so the final decision is yours.
All I can add is - this is the meaning that I'm inferring from the poem:

Along the parting road, clouds start to rise;
around the wayside pavilion, leaves grow sparse.
I sigh for we can't be like the wild geese in their skein
flying off together, no need for remorse.

Cheers
Geoff

[Lake]

You are the only person equipped to interpret the ideograms, so the final decision is yours.
All I can add is - this is the meaning that I'm inferring from the poem:

Along the parting road, clouds start to rise;
around the wayside pavilion, leaves grow sparse.
I sigh for we can't be like the wild geese in their skein
flying off together, no need for remorse.

Hi Geoff,

Thanks again, again.

Yes, what you are inferring from the poem is right. But I have to admit that I commited a crime on the last line - the second part "remorse" was not written in the origianal, but was clearly implied. For the sake of form and rhyme, I took the liberty, and added it. Ok, here is a word -for-word translation just for your reference:

A parting road. Clouds start to rise.
A farewell pavilion. Leaves grow sparse.
I sigh that we are not wild geese
who can fly together in a row.


Is this clear enough?

I like all the suggested renditions of this poem. I'll keep them all.

Regards,
Lake