The weight of the water drags
us back. We’re fighting the tide
with harnesses that cut into bodies,
scour grit into skin, and we are tiny –
a stream of hunchbacked men
against the vastness of the river. We trickle
over the collapsed river bank, past houses
hidden by rubble. We pull the wealth
of the river away from here.
And the owner watches our struggle
places his soft hands on the rope
as if his touch could turn the tide.
Towing
HI,
This is beautiful, love the sounds and the phrasing and the line breaks and the visuals. I just don't quite understand it though! If it's based on something specific, I can't quite get the context. If it's metaphorical then I understand it to be about a process, about a struggle against the inevitable: time, fate, global flooding, something. I am a bit confused about the dynamics of the verb 'fighting' and then 'trickle' and trying to reconcile them. Who is the owner? God-like figure, nature?
Help me out here, Nicky. The problem with allegories is that your reader may be too stupid to understand the full significance!
Regards
Rich Basnik
This is beautiful, love the sounds and the phrasing and the line breaks and the visuals. I just don't quite understand it though! If it's based on something specific, I can't quite get the context. If it's metaphorical then I understand it to be about a process, about a struggle against the inevitable: time, fate, global flooding, something. I am a bit confused about the dynamics of the verb 'fighting' and then 'trickle' and trying to reconcile them. Who is the owner? God-like figure, nature?
Help me out here, Nicky. The problem with allegories is that your reader may be too stupid to understand the full significance!
Regards
Rich Basnik
bez prace, nejsou kolaci - without work, there are no cakes (Czech proverb)
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I'm having similar problems to Rich.
The wealth of the river has me stumped, tbh.
The wealth of the river has me stumped, tbh.
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?
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a stream of hunchbacked men is an excellent phrase. I think I'd put the commas in to the last 3 lines. Must admit I'm not sure what it's about - pulling sandbags against a flood? towing a boat on a silted up river? But who is the owner? I like it a lot, though - one of the best of your recent poems, I think.
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I'm glad you like it even if it's not clear what it's about
It came from a photo of men towing barges up a river, looks like its in a developing country, everything was a bit tumbledown. And I tried to get a bit political with the way the western world exploits developing countries, but also wanted the feeling of battling against something outside of our control, a hopeless situation, but we keep on trying anyway.
And that's now a cue to say that no-one got that, and it's now a crap poem haha
Is using 'tide' twice a problem do you think?
Nicky
x
It came from a photo of men towing barges up a river, looks like its in a developing country, everything was a bit tumbledown. And I tried to get a bit political with the way the western world exploits developing countries, but also wanted the feeling of battling against something outside of our control, a hopeless situation, but we keep on trying anyway.
And that's now a cue to say that no-one got that, and it's now a crap poem haha
Is using 'tide' twice a problem do you think?
Nicky
x
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits
petal that love waits
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Go with the flowSharra wrote: Is using 'tide' twice a problem do you think?
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?
Many rivers to cross Sharra. This is a lovely crafted poem except for the overuse (in my opinion) of river in such a short poem. The river usually suggests forward movement but its repetition in this short piece makes it seem like the needle is stuck (If you're old enough to remember pre-CD days).Sharra wrote: against the vastness of the river. We trickle
over the collapsed river bank, past houses
hidden by rubble. We pull the wealth
of the river away from here.
Art is not a mirror to reflect the world, but a hammer with which to shape it.
[right]Vladimir Mayakovsky[/right]
[right]Vladimir Mayakovsky[/right]
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The owner reads to me like a God-like figure, a creator. Adds quite a bit of weight to those end lines, for me.
Good write.
B.
Good write.
B.
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I got that it was towing barges, but thought it might be horses rather than men.
I also like the "hunchbacked men", I wondered if you were trying to compare each horse to two men, which would have been clever, if there were any horses
Ian
I also like the "hunchbacked men", I wondered if you were trying to compare each horse to two men, which would have been clever, if there were any horses
Ian
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