A Prayer For The Existential Atheist

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
Nino
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:18 am

Ray thank you for the complement. It depends how old are you for me to be considered young.
I don't think someone will read poem, then think about it, then right a comment just to be nasty. I don't know what is wrong with what I said
ray miller
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:26 am

I'm very old, Nino. I knew King Kong when he was just a monkey-nut.In time, you will realise what was wrong with what you said.Just stick around. It's "compliment", by the way.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Nino
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:33 am

Ray

I watched first King Kong in Moscow on holidays with my parents when I was about 6:)
I think you are referring to some people who come to annoy some writers here? But surely our dear mods can sort it out? I apologise for my naivety, I come from extremely strict workshop where such things are banned on spot. I think everyone sees I am having a trouble settling here as I have an armylike training somewhere else:) I just think this workshop provides me with a good balance as people here are more friendly.
Thank you for making me think in the different direction and for making me realize to think well before I post another word.
Nino
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stuartryder
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:05 am

"Like Bin Laden and Bush's God-given war."

CD, perhaps change this line to

Like Bin Laden's and Bush's Gods-given war.

As in the original version it was at least 50% ambiguous whether or not "God-given" referred to both Bush AND Bin Laden, or just to Bush. With the revision it is clear you are covering both angles. I still think the poem could demonstrate a far broader and more original awareness of religious issues than it does as is, but I take your point on this line to some extent.

S
ray miller
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:09 am

Nino, you are priceless. I still think you might be Ali G in disguise. Where was this armylike training? Actually, you are quite disciplined. You're not a spy, by any chance, attempting to infiltrate the land of the free verse?
Anyway,quis custodiet ipsos custodes? That's the thing.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Nino
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:33 am

Ray I am not a spy no:)) I can't broadcast other website publicly.
As soon as anyone hears I come from post soviet union they assume I am a spy:)
ray miller
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 11:23 am

So, Nino, you are Russian, you come from "extremely strict workshop" where dissent is banned and an armylike discipline is instilled and you cannot broadcast website's name publicly.It's Top Secret, in other words. But you're not a spy! I'd delete all my posts inmmediately if I only knew how.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
David
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:23 pm

Nino wrote:Ray

I come from extremely strict workshop where such things are banned on spot.
PFFA? That, like Soviet Russia, is a totalitarian and oppressively doctrinaire regime.
David
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:56 pm

David wrote:
Nino wrote:Ray

I come from extremely strict workshop where such things are banned on spot.
PFFA? That, like Soviet Russia, is a totalitarian and oppressively doctrinaire regime.
And joyless. I forgot to mention joyless. I've just been back for a quick look - it's what I imagine it would be like to revisit Albania after many years, only to find that Hoxha was still alive, and the place still crawling with fawning apparatchiks who vie for the approval of their masters. Yeuk.
BenJohnson
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:08 pm

David wrote:
David wrote:
Nino wrote:Ray

I come from extremely strict workshop where such things are banned on spot.
PFFA? That, like Soviet Russia, is a totalitarian and oppressively doctrinaire regime.
And joyless. I forgot to mention joyless. I've just been back for a quick look - it's what I imagine it would be like to revisit Albania after many years, only to find that Hoxha was still alive, and the place still crawling with fawning apparatchiks who vie for the approval of their masters. Yeuk.
Come on David they can't be all that bad after such a warm greeting on their frontpage as "WARNING! We're mean. We're nasty. We're merciless. We're cruel. We're vile. We're heartless. We'll slash your soul to ribbons. We're an evil clique conspiring to annihilate your self-esteem. Ready?"
Nino
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:36 pm

David and Ben

You expressed your opinions and even if I disagree, I respect them. That is why I will not carry on this discussion, especially we have hijacked someone's post:) if you wish to debate about the subject please feel free to e-mail me, since I still not have a PM:)
Raincoat
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:43 pm

i wasn't going to comment on this but then i thought what the heck.
firstly it's a rant
secondly I didn't find the imagery particularly stimulating
thirdly I know you didn't want us to discuss the material but there is increasing evidence which suggests that atheists reason teleologically even though they deny it....in other words this theory of the mind (seeing purpose or meaning in natural events as an evolution in social cognition) has been discovered in both religious thinkers and atheists alike...interestingly it wasn't discovered in those who suffered from asperger's or autism so some are concluding that teleological thinking was an important social development in mankind enabling us to form bonds and relationships with others with belief frameworks. but that's just science for you.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
David
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:55 pm

Nino wrote:David and Ben

You expressed your opinions and even if I disagree, I respect them. That is why I will not carry on this discussion, especially we have hijacked someone's post:) if you wish to debate about the subject please feel free to e-mail me, since I still not have a PM:)
Nah. I'll not bother, thanks. There's nothing to discuss. I have my opinion of PFFA, which is not going to change.

Not sure why your pm isn't working, though. Is there a techie in the house?
Travis
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:55 pm

Poor Hitch. That is all.
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Arian
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:12 pm

Raincoat wrote:I didn't find the imagery particularly stimulating
Which implies that you found it slighty stimulating. Christ (the mot juste, here)! What have I missed? You're seeing something I don't, that's for sure.

peter
Raincoat
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:40 pm

Arian wrote:
Raincoat wrote:I didn't find the imagery particularly stimulating
Which implies that you found it slighty stimulating. Christ (the mot juste, here)! What have I missed? You're seeing something I don't, that's for sure.

peter
I don't think you should be pulling my comments to bits, it's the poem we're critiquing, otherwise the mot juste is flaming non?
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
Ros
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:37 pm

CD, I think you'll find that many of the less than positive responses to this poem were from atheists. And there is no point you posting work for any reason other than to have it critically appraised as poetry. If you're posting stuff to test the members in any other way, we're not interested in playing. So, you have a choice: write the best stuff you can and we will do our best to help you improve. Or decide it's not worth the bother. Everyone else, I suggest we adjourn to tea-break in the pavilion.


Nino, I assume your pm is now functioning to your satisfaction?

Ros
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Nino
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 7:44 pm

Ros

I don't think it is. I have send you e-mail before, I can receive pm, but can't send any. I just sent you one, have you received it?
Arian
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Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:04 pm

Ros wrote:CD, I think you'll find that many of the less than positive responses to this poem were from atheists.
Perhaps, but - personally - I wasn't commenting CD's "argument", just its poetic merit, or lack of.
And, sorry Tess, I think you misunderstood. I wasn't pulling your comments to pieces - merely (genuinely) intrigued as to what positives you may have seen that I didn't.
But, as Ros suggests, it's probably time to retire to the clubhouse, and let this one rest.

Cheers
peter
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