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pseud
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Sun Jan 15, 2006 11:55 pm

To be farsighted
means you see distant crows
but squint at the mail.

To be farsighted
means that you cannot react
but predict quite well.


Light's lines hit your eyes,
bright slingshots aim at your brain
intersect behind.

Closets fill with words:
you study every vein of
Jeremiah's head.


No flattened landscapes,
you look down on round earth
with dilated eyes.

You see cardboard signs
with everything possible,
and envy the blind.


The tile floors concave
when you put on new glasses:
a bowl you can't step out of.
Last edited by pseud on Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
Minstrel
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Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:13 am

The tile floors concave
when you put on new glasses:
a bowl you cant step out of.

Very good indeed Pseud.
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lemur
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Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:36 pm

Made me think! I really liked the second stanza.

Wondered about the fourth, the punctuation of it, also didn't know who Jeremiah was?

Agree with Minstrel the last stanza's great.
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barrie
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Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:49 pm

Liked the third verse, poetic optics - Newton will turn in his grave. I have to agree with Minstrel and lemur, the last verse is magic - the jerbil in the crown.

on a bit of a roll, eh?

nice one
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camus
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Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:35 am

Pseud,

The triplet structure looks good on the page, suits the subject.

The first stanza made me laugh. Reminded me of an episode of Father Ted - when Ted was trying to explain to Dougal about perspective - This plastic cow is SMALL those real cows are FAR AWAY, lol.

I agree the last stanza is a cracker.

cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
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that girl
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Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:48 am

Brava, brava, bravisima.
pseud
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Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:47 am

Thanks for reading and encouragement everyone. Glad to see it well-recieved, and I'll see if I can remedy minor punctuation problems.

lemur -

Jeremiah is/was a biblical prophet, a particularly interesting prophet because he didn't like his predictions, and happened to have a stunning painting named after him showing this dynamic in the 1600s, by Rembrandt van Rijn:

http://bellgardensbaptist.org/guide/lamentations1.jpg

Sometimes it's hard to follow my thought process, but I figured it added a bit of mystery.

- Caleb
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
Ray Trivedi

Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:27 am

I've just figured out why a lot of Muslims have the last name 'miah'.

the word isn't dialated it's dilated.
pseud
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Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:40 pm

Good catch ray thanks...

been spelling that word incorrectly for years...
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:48 pm

Second stanza niggle:

To be farsighted
means that you cannot react
but predict quite well.


How about:

To be farsighted
means not that you can react,
but predict quite well.

A slightly cynical tone, might work better.

Elsewise, good. Not your best, but good.

Cheers,

Keith
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