Give me a prudish protestant pussy
for my dick to inhabit and disinhibit—
or a sacrilegious ex-Catholic cunt to fuck up further than any Father—
something to taint, please, something to tease.
I need a masterpiece to destroy, a naïve pupil
in my employ—just a pleasant little nymph,
one that I can mold into an imp. A cover girl,
yes one of those—one worth perverting.
Yes,
a brightness to blot out, a silky skin unsuited for scars,
supple hips to grip and rip, fresh blood to suck
and a nice tight fuck, yes opulent orifices ripe and ready—
someone to violate—a love to denigrate.
Carnal (Language Warning.)
-
lemur
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Edinburgh, traitor that I am
Keith,
I felt like I shouldn't like this but I did.
Some of the line breaks struck me as a bit out - wasn't sure about 'in my employ' where it is, with the hyphens. Maybe putting 'a naive pupil' onto the second line would make it read more comfortably? Of course this would bugger up your four line format. Hmmm.
The whole thing comes across as, how can I put it, keenly felt, but the point is I believed it - it sounds genuine. Wouldn't like to meet you down a dark alley, mind:)
I felt like I shouldn't like this but I did.
Some of the line breaks struck me as a bit out - wasn't sure about 'in my employ' where it is, with the hyphens. Maybe putting 'a naive pupil' onto the second line would make it read more comfortably? Of course this would bugger up your four line format. Hmmm.
The whole thing comes across as, how can I put it, keenly felt, but the point is I believed it - it sounds genuine. Wouldn't like to meet you down a dark alley, mind:)
some of the other posts I read here tend to wash over me, this certainly didn't. It made me react, but I'm still uncomfortable with how to feel about it. If that was the intent then its a success.
Binz
Binz
If you want to fly, you must first spread your wings.
-
Bombadil
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2672
- Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:38 pm
- Location: The hills are my home, the mountains where I roam.
- Contact:
It seems ugliness is a specialty of mine. I can live with that.
lemur,
There are no alleys where I live, so you're safe on my turf. Besides, my mind is darker than my soul.
binz,
Glad, I think, that this illicited a reaction, even an icky one.
Cheers,
Keith
lemur,
There are no alleys where I live, so you're safe on my turf. Besides, my mind is darker than my soul.
binz,
Glad, I think, that this illicited a reaction, even an icky one.
Cheers,
Keith
-
twoleftfeet
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6761
- Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:02 pm
- Location: Standing by a short pier, looking for a long run-up
Keith,
I agree with Lemur.
Were you having a "Mr Hyde?" moment?
Some great expressions, though:
"to inhabit and disinhibit"
"fuck up further than any Father"
Cheers
Geoff
I agree with Lemur.
Were you having a "Mr Hyde?" moment?
Some great expressions, though:
"to inhabit and disinhibit"
"fuck up further than any Father"
Cheers
Geoff
I think I'm with missi here. I agree with tlf about "to fuck up further than any Father" but my reaction at the end is "you're horny. So what?"
Like lemur, I don't have any problem believing it. Wanting to corrupt a nice girl is pretty normal I think. But whether I like a poem doesn't depend at all on whether I believe it or not.
Like lemur, I don't have any problem believing it. Wanting to corrupt a nice girl is pretty normal I think. But whether I like a poem doesn't depend at all on whether I believe it or not.
-
Ray Trivedi
This made me have a "yeauch" reaction. The voice in this poem is an unsavoury character.
Made me think of Primo Levi's poem "Give Us".
Made me think of Primo Levi's poem "Give Us".