Orphans

[Vincent Turner]

He told friends I was cut straight
from the cloth of the sun. I wore him
like a second skin, I was his happy choice.

Hanging here now, steam-starched and boil
wash stiff crudely priced on a homemade tag

I replay our glory days. Brighton July 09,
some scantly clad blonde telling him she

needed shades and sun-cream,
such was the yellow of my skin, he laughing

and un-peeling me, placing me carefully on
the chair with care, such care. A nephew's

birth on a dirty-hot August night, cradling him
gently-tight as the nurses joked I alone

could have cured the wee one's jaundice
such was my sun yellow skin. Each of us

here has a story to tell, a lament to lament.
The faded fox collar coat worn by a one armed

mannequin sings the melodies of her
cancer killed Karaoke-queen. And poor

little one-eyed Rupert, stomach scarred
and missing a shoe, who sleep-talks to

to a now grown child. We are cut-price
cattle, awaiting our fate, picked up,

put on, hung up, considered, and mostly always
put back. There is history in our stitches,

sadness in our seams, grief in our collars,
longing in our hems. We cannot compete

with literature, the elderly fend off death
with crime and romance, they have little

desire for us now. We have been outgrown,
or have outlived those we wore so well.

We are all so very lonely and are so very
in need of love.

[Oskar]

There's something very impressive trying to emerge from this one. For me, your poem gathers pace and intensity about half-way through, from

Each of us
here has a story to tell, a lament to lament

Lots of well crafted lines to savour -

We are cut-price
cattle, awaiting our fate, picked up,

put on, hung up, considered, and mostly always
put back. There is history in our stitches,

sadness in our seams, grief in our collars,
longing in our hems.

That's wonderful. Your ending might be regarded as a tad melodramatic by some, but I felt it and believed it.

Take out the scissors and start pruning. I think you could end up uncovering a gem.

Regards

[ray miller]

I agree with Oskar, from "Each of us...." to the end is terrific. But I struggle to connect the various parts together. Also, and I feel stupid about it, but I can't make out whether the subject is orphans or something else.

[Vincent Turner]

Thanks Oscar, I did find the first part slightly more forced than the middle part, which for me flowed much better, it clearly showed.!!!

Yeah the ending is a little melodramatic but this was intended. Glad it worked for you

Take out the scissors and start pruning. I think you could end up uncovering a gem.

indeed I will!

Ray, thanks for the input

But I struggle to connect the various parts together

Agreed, I think this is where the poem needs most work, as mentioned the middle section was when I was in full flow, rather than the first which is where I was searching for some kind of footing.

but I can't make out whether the subject is orphans or something else.

Well the subject is not directly about parent-less children, but I was leaning on that a fair bit. I was considering naming the poem something like Charity Shop- would this have changed your reading of the poem?

Thanks again

Vincent

[ray miller]

Ah, I thought it might be something like that.Well, for idiots such as I, Charity Shop would help. I think maybe the We cannot compete with literature section could be improved. Substitute literature with Crime and Romance for a start then throw in a few knicknacks and whatnots.

[Vincent Turner]

think maybe the We cannot compete with literature section could be improved. Substitute literature with Crime and Romance for a start then throw in a few knicknacks and whatnots.

I hear you Ray, again, at this point of the poem, I was reaching for the right words. I had the idea and the image and the correct intention, but knew, it was weaker than the lines before, so will go to work on it tonight.

Best Regards and thanks

vincent