St. Patrick's Chair

[David]

These six-inch maps are dizzying in their detail.
The features that the smaller ones elide
to make the bigger picture clear are here
set out as on a microscope slide.

The fields are numbered, though we lack their names.
Every hedge is marked, and every wall.
These squiggle trees and bristle clumps of sedge
portray a world made topographical.

Then more intriguing things swim into view.
This Seat could be St. Patrick's Chair, now lost;
grubbed out or, overwhelmed by rising tides
of brambles, slowly crumbling into dust.

And here this Cave, where we could only find
a craggy overhang, grassy above,
must be Garey Feeyney, or Wine Garden,
wine being something that the fairies love,

perhaps. We do not have their maps, and they
are vanished into the still untrembling air
with the Buggane, their boorish country cousin,
the fields' true names, and St. Patrick's Chair.

[Antcliff]

Lovely.

Someone will say it....so it may as well be me...not sure you can have that title and two further appearances in the text.

How would you feel about reversing the order of the first two stanzas?

Not sure I quite understand "swim" in stanza three.

Seth
As one who has looked for fairy mounds on occasion and found a "mound" to be a slight bump...I know the feeling. And love the maps.

[David]

Thanks for noticing this, Seth. I thought for a while it was going to go the way of all tosh, quite unremarked. (And felt I was wasting my sweetness on the desert air, etc.)

Someone will say it....so it may as well be me...not sure you can have that title and two further appearances in the text.

Ah, you're right. But their appearances are pleasingly symmetrical, are they not? I say, are their appearances not pleasingly symmetrical?

How would you feel about reversing the order of the first two stanzas?

Not sure yet!

Not sure I quite understand "swim" in stanza three

Things swimming into view ... no?

Thanks again.

Cheers

David

[1lankest]

I don't often, but tonight I read this aloud. What a delight. It served to show me just how behind I am in terms of metre and its consistent application. As a map lover (aren't we all!?) I loved the subject. I agree with Seth to an extent, but I wouldn't change the title. I would instead find a way of restricting your mention of St Patrick's chair to one. Perhaps the final line is where you could most easily edit it. I love the title and I think it's important that it stays. Bit I do think 3 times is too many mentions!

Enjoyed.
Luke

[Antcliff]

Things swimming into view ... no?

Surely "swimming" (unless meant ironically?) implies a level of activity....but surely it is all passivity in the poem (otherwise)? That is why you have the (drowning?) talk of being overwhelmed by tides? I may be muddled.


Seth

[Ros]

I think swim into view is sufficiently slow and laid-back. I liked this, and don't really mind the repeats. I did think v1 and 2 covered pretty much the same ground (see what I did there?) and could perhaps be truncated a little.

Ros

[ray miller]

Very nice, lots to like, thought this bit was best

grubbed out or, overwhelmed by rising tides
of brambles, slowly crumbling into dust.

wine being something that the fairies love,

perhaps. We do not have their maps

I'd like it better without perhaps. It seems a little too contrived as it is.

[David]

Thanks, Ray. The perhaps is supposed to cast doubt on the existence of fairies. If that is necessary. And, of course, to pad out the line.

I did think v1 and 2 covered pretty much the same ground (see what I did there?)

I did, and I liked it, but I like both V1 and 2 as well. I'm over-indulgent, I know.

It served to show me just how behind I am in terms of metre and its consistent application.

You're too hard on yourself, Luke. Really. But glad you enjoyed it.

Agh, hadn't spotted the connection between swimming and overwhelmed, Seth. That is a problem.

Cheers all

David

[Macavity]

hi David,
I enjoyed this too. Buggane being the marzipan that had me reading again. I liked those internal pairings too...squiggle/bristle, craggy/grassy and perhaps/maps. The gear shift on perhaps was fine, though Then more intriguing things swim into view line seemed more laboured in that regard.

cheers

mac

[Oskar]

David

Hats off for keeping the metre under control. You've tamed the bucking bronco! It's very pleasing when read aloud, though you seem to have to dig in a little at S4 to keep the meter going, giving the suggestion of a bit of a struggle to keep the sense of the words in line with the even pulse you are trying to achieve.

a craggy overhang, grassy above,

Are you pushing it a bit there? That just feels a little uncomfortable and squashed in.

And S5 - still untrembling . Well, I suppose you mean still as in continues to be, but it caused a small bump when I first read it.

All of this, of course, is nit-picking.

Bloody hell, the things we have to do just to register a dignified yes, I like it very much!!!

[David]

Somewhat belatedly, thanks, Mac and Osk.

And S5 - still untrembling . Well, I suppose you mean still as in continues to be, but it caused a small bump when I first read it.

And for me, when I wrote it. It is a dodgy bit.

Then more intriguing things swim into view line seemed more laboured in that regard.

I agree with that too.It's too much of a stage direction, isn't it?

Cheers both

David