last haunts of a Goddess

[IainMichaelBryan]

she is everywhere not of this life
fits into infinitesimal places
spaces so small
the mind has no name

slid between
tide-rising suck on pink shingle
kelp frond and whelk shard and froth of the beach
she is furled in the corners of
oak fruit buried
burrowed ‘twixt mice by the drench sphagnum feet
in copper-vein rose petal sheen
she finds harbour
in the pores of the world, the curl ends of fire

with her dulcimer fingers
her stroking touch
tiptoe
in the hush pull of harp strings she intercepts song
on every periphery
her fleeting reflections are snagged
by the crease of our eyes restless yearn

with the rolling wind waves of tree top and bracken
she dwells
in the brown crunch of frost-ridden harg
at the gaunt cliff edges where valiance crumbles
she can separate warmth from the face of the sun
and there enshroud you
derange and confound you
with her dragon breath mists to cloud compass and will


these worlds are forgotten
where once kindred worshiped
fearful in loving the old ones at the veil
she retreats to her mountain secrecy smiling
there
beholden to no-one
perilous forsaken

[thoke]

I like the premise and the idea of listing interesting nooks and crannies in which something immaterial could 'dwell'. The items in the list are a bit too densely described. And sometimes it's hard to tell where one ends and the next begins, which creates an off-putting mixture of disparate imagery.

So I would rework this and try to slow things down a bit, perhaps; create some space. Also I am not keen on the final stanza, which I think you could delete. But I do like the idea of this and I think there's good stuff here.

Ben

[Ros]

I'm wondering why you've decided on a complete lack of punctuation or sentence structure?

Also not sure why buried between mice here -

burrowed ‘twixt mice by the drench sphagnum feet

why are the mice buried? And why the shift to archaic words?

I like some of the images, but I'm not sure you can start with

she is everywhere not of this life

and then describe the parts of life she can be found in. I'm afraid I found the slightly medieval romance and archaic language ideas rather offputting - it seems a bit of a mixture of various Arthurian themes with a dragon thrown in. But I like the idea of her slotting into spaces between other things, and I think you could work along those lines.

Ros