Bygone

[IainMichaelBryan]

Bygone.

akimbo
she lounges
idling slight arms
her doe eyes shimmering
wise to our lost entwining couch
gazing out golden from her twilit window

I drive by
years after
her drawing of curtains
late in glass reverie to a blank
semblance of being more than past
more than passing her warm beckoning electric

[MikeAcker]

I liked this very much, Iain.
I always read a poem for the experience I am expecting.
I don't have to comprehend fully at first.
The general sense of a unique and enriching experience is what I am looking for in a poem.
One gets this during the first and the second read.
I think I will be back for more reads.
Well done!

[BenjaminShaw]

When I looked at this poem the first thing I noticed was the shape. Indeed, it does evoke a feeling of losing (losing not lost which is all the better) time like sand falling through an hour glass. I really like your use of no commas as well. Normally that doesn't work but I feel it works well for your poem. It's a short poem. I haven't found anything I would like to change. A completed piece surely.

[1lankest]

I Iain, lots to like here.

Form good, it works with the content.

I'd find a different title to the first line, though i like the Bygone as an opener.

Don't like doe eyes, cliche. Another adjective?

No full stop at the end?

Poem begs the question what's happened to this person? Why is she like this? Could you elucidate this in a final verse?

[ray miller]

Nice first verse, though I think gold in preference to golden would aid the rhythm.
For me, the 2nd verse is marred by late in glass reverie to a blank, which I can't really decipher and I don't think is very well put.

[bodkin]

I think my problem was Ray's problem. After about the third re-read I did manage to get a parsing from it... actually maybe not. I can grasp the intended meaning, e.g. that the closed curtains somehow indicate a very thoroughly over relationship, but if I try to get into meanings of individual word I find I still don't follow the detail.

Ian