00000.

[ty gorton]

I could not get this to post correctly....so I uploaded an image of it. Below the image is the text in case others want to do a line by line.



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in the meantime little images

do dance for me

in the shape of how I remember you.

all those infectious moments in the chilly days before this heat wrapped itself around our lives.

impossible,
really,
to know for sure…

but I was certain you were the kindest skin-toned creature I’d ever met.

and I’m smiling still, despite the debris and discomfort of loss. smiling at the long list of zeros who never had a chance at you
the way I did.

[pseud]

Well, ty, I liked the style, phrasing and the lay-out. The only thing I could fault the poem for is this:

discomfort of loss

Seems a little too easily said. Some kind of demonstration of this "discomfort of loss" would help the poem out, I think. How did the love interest leave you, for example?

Like I said, otherwise I like it.

- Caleb

[twoleftfeet]

Ty,
I'm tempted to say that I care nought for this poem.
Actually, I quite like bits of it despite not understanding it!

My only quibble is
"do dance" - it sounds Shakespearian and stands out as odd in an
otherwise modern idiom.

Is she/he the one for you?
Geoff