At first it was just the Euros
then came the whole of autumn
with the volunteering in the ebola
slums, and all that publicity;
and the vilification of the satirists
with their exhibitionist knives -
jade carvurines of screaming squirrels. Then
I photographed supercars:
every piston was a panther's jaw,
each perspective just another eastern dollar,
each tiny rear window, a nickel-
framed allergen, a tickling fancy.
Then came the light play -
the laser quest on the queen's behest.
I needed the money, you see?
I needed it. The money.
*
The bathtub's enamel. The water's hot,
deep. Reversing myself, feet up against the taps,
I egnulp and again and again and again. The royalties bleed
their signatures. I think about PPI.
I needed the money
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stuartryder
- Preponderant Poster
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- Location: Warrington, UK
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Arian
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2718
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:41 am
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- Location: Hertfordshire, UK
Hi Stuart
Your photography seems to have taken you into some interesting (to say the least) places/scenarios!
Anyway, despite the fact that I'm a bit lost with some of this, I like a lot of the lines.
every piston was a panther's jaw,
each perspective just another eastern dollar,
is particularly strong.
Some confusing bits:
l1 - did they have euros (assuming you mean footie) last year? Or are you talking about currency (which would be even more confusing)?
l12 - why allergen? Almost a nice image, but I'm not quite connecting.
egnulp - I googled it, but (even now I know) still can't decipher the sequence.
Overall, I'm glad I read it, but it didn't 'speak to me'. Enjoyed the last line.
Peter
Your photography seems to have taken you into some interesting (to say the least) places/scenarios!
Anyway, despite the fact that I'm a bit lost with some of this, I like a lot of the lines.
every piston was a panther's jaw,
each perspective just another eastern dollar,
is particularly strong.
Some confusing bits:
l1 - did they have euros (assuming you mean footie) last year? Or are you talking about currency (which would be even more confusing)?
l12 - why allergen? Almost a nice image, but I'm not quite connecting.
egnulp - I googled it, but (even now I know) still can't decipher the sequence.
Overall, I'm glad I read it, but it didn't 'speak to me'. Enjoyed the last line.
Peter
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HenryBones
- Productive Poster
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2014 8:02 pm
Hi stuart,
I think this is a very deft piece - a lament for the realities and compromises that art and the artist have to make in a flawed historical world? The third stanza is my favourite, especially the line about piston and panthers which has a magnificent alliterative strength, though I did wonder if 'jade carvurines of screaming squirrels' in the second stanza might be overdoing it a little. And is carvurines your own coinage? Neither Google or the OED are giving me anything - is it pitched between a carving and figurine? Not that it doesn't work semantically, but to my ear there's a little too much alliteration and assonance. A couple of suggestions apart from that - maybe cut 'just' from 'just another eastern dollar' - there's such a rich ambiguity about those images that 'just' tilts towards the negative. Also, is PPI too precise a note to sound at the end? Euros works because it seems to gesture towards both the currency (and hence the various events and crises that have surrounded the currency) as well as the sporting event, but for me PPI is something that narrows the poem a little. The use of egnulp - engulf and gulp as well as plunge? - is inspired.
Hope you find that useful, and thanks for the read!
Best,
HB
I think this is a very deft piece - a lament for the realities and compromises that art and the artist have to make in a flawed historical world? The third stanza is my favourite, especially the line about piston and panthers which has a magnificent alliterative strength, though I did wonder if 'jade carvurines of screaming squirrels' in the second stanza might be overdoing it a little. And is carvurines your own coinage? Neither Google or the OED are giving me anything - is it pitched between a carving and figurine? Not that it doesn't work semantically, but to my ear there's a little too much alliteration and assonance. A couple of suggestions apart from that - maybe cut 'just' from 'just another eastern dollar' - there's such a rich ambiguity about those images that 'just' tilts towards the negative. Also, is PPI too precise a note to sound at the end? Euros works because it seems to gesture towards both the currency (and hence the various events and crises that have surrounded the currency) as well as the sporting event, but for me PPI is something that narrows the poem a little. The use of egnulp - engulf and gulp as well as plunge? - is inspired.
Hope you find that useful, and thanks for the read!
Best,
HB