A Russian.
While you flank him, he will
slit your center straight open.
Old men in parks.
They time their games like duels
and memorize ten-move starts.
Abigail.
She'll throw her queen a birthday party,
miss the point of landing on a square
another "pretty" piece stands on already -
"why can't they share? why can't they share?"
she'll ask so long you'll never get to winning.
Her pieces will jump their prisoners of war
guerilla style - in real time, not in turn.
--------------
original (pre-barrie, pre-mick, pre-khanzaa - thank you!)
Never play against a Russian.
While you flank him, he will
slit your center straight open.
Never play against old men in parks
who time their games like duels
and memorize their ten-move starts.
But mostly never play against the young girl
who'll throw her queen a birthday party,
miss the point of landing on a square
another "pretty" piece stands on already -
"why can't they share? why can't they share?"
she'll wonder, and speculate on what lovely
dancers the king and queen must be.
You'll never win. Her pieces will jump
their prisoners of war in real time, not in turn.
Who not to play chess against
Nice opening gambit Caleb, particularly -
'Never play against old men in parks
who time their games like duels
and memorize their ten-move starts.' - So true. It applies to playing them in Dutch or German bars too!
I found verse two to be quite an amusing insight, but no doubt someone with a Germaine Greer mentality would find it sexist, (narrow minded and stereotypical, is what they'd say). Never mind, I'm sure most people will appreciate a singular image and not a generalisation. Great final sentence -
'Black pieces will jump their prisoners of war
in real time, not by turn.'
One niggle - 'How to Win at Chess'? - Where does it tell us that? I came searching for enlightenment and was told what not to do!
Seriously, I enjoyed this.
Barrie
'Never play against old men in parks
who time their games like duels
and memorize their ten-move starts.' - So true. It applies to playing them in Dutch or German bars too!
I found verse two to be quite an amusing insight, but no doubt someone with a Germaine Greer mentality would find it sexist, (narrow minded and stereotypical, is what they'd say). Never mind, I'm sure most people will appreciate a singular image and not a generalisation. Great final sentence -
'Black pieces will jump their prisoners of war
in real time, not by turn.'
One niggle - 'How to Win at Chess'? - Where does it tell us that? I came searching for enlightenment and was told what not to do!
Seriously, I enjoyed this.
Barrie
Yes, I enjoyed this too. I can't ever remember playing a girl at chess - there certainly weren't any in the chess club at school.
When I read "jump their prisoners of war" it brought Guantanamo Bay to my mind. What was going through yours?
Nice one.
Mick.
When I read "jump their prisoners of war" it brought Guantanamo Bay to my mind. What was going through yours?
Nice one.
Mick.
barrie - you're right on both counts. I thought of the title way too hastily but I thought "what not to do while playing chess" was too long of a title. Perhaps I should give a hint as to the age of the person, instead of saying "girl"? It was my little sister.
mick - actually I was trying to invoke thoughts of checkers. See that's the game my sister can play, and thought the pawns were supposed to jump the other pawns. Guantanamo Bay though, also applicable I guess!
Thanks for comments -
- Caleb
mick - actually I was trying to invoke thoughts of checkers. See that's the game my sister can play, and thought the pawns were supposed to jump the other pawns. Guantanamo Bay though, also applicable I guess!
Thanks for comments -
- Caleb
Hi Caleb,
I hope to see the revision of this soon, it was a great read, here's the crit:
Who not to play chess against
*Title is apt, I found it interesting enough to want to read the poem.
*I wondered why you changed from three line strophes to four line in the third strophe then to five line in the last? I have never known when to use the different strophe lengths and I would certainly be grateful for any info about this.
*You started with a trocheed tetrameter in the first two lines but you didn’t continue, the end of line rhymes may not be necessary then since you aren’t keeping to any strict metrical form.
Never play against a Russian.
While you flank him, he will
slit your center straight open.
Never play against old men in parks
who time their games like duels
and memorize their ten-move starts
*This is really good, I wondered if the ‘never play against’ in the second strophe couldn’t be changed to something else, actually, now I come to think of it, why use the title again and again and again? We know that any list of people you will be describing will belong to the ‘who not to play against’ group.
*Apart from the opening of both these strophes, I loved these for the description you have managed so cleverly to portray, I can just see the old men, and the Russian.
But mostly never play against the young girl
who'll throw her queen a birthday party,
*‘but mostly never play against’ prose
*You could probably remove this poem from the abstract to the definitive by making the girl someone we can relate to, give her a name, say what she does not what she will do,
miss the point of landing on a square
another "pretty" piece stands on already -
*I felt that ‘miss the point’ was telly
* (I might be over picky though, I just keep reading this and wishing to read, ‘lands on a square’, or ‘throws the queen a birthday party’ it brings her that much closer to me as a reader, since I live in the now not in the past or present)
"why can't they share? why can't they share?"
*Great line! What was the reason for the repetition? It gives me a feeling that we’re talking about a child six or seven years old since repetition is one of their charming vices.
she'll wonder, and speculate on what lovely
dancers the king and queen must be.
*She might speculate aloud but since I feel speculation and wondering aloud are the same then let her either speculate or wonder, but not both. I feel these two lines to be rather weak actually, they are fillers.
You'll never win.
*telly
Her pieces will jump
their prisoners of war in real time, not in turn.
*First rate ending.
All in all, this was a beautiful piece, thanks for an enjoyable read.
All the best,
K
I hope to see the revision of this soon, it was a great read, here's the crit:
Who not to play chess against
*Title is apt, I found it interesting enough to want to read the poem.
*I wondered why you changed from three line strophes to four line in the third strophe then to five line in the last? I have never known when to use the different strophe lengths and I would certainly be grateful for any info about this.
*You started with a trocheed tetrameter in the first two lines but you didn’t continue, the end of line rhymes may not be necessary then since you aren’t keeping to any strict metrical form.
Never play against a Russian.
While you flank him, he will
slit your center straight open.
Never play against old men in parks
who time their games like duels
and memorize their ten-move starts
*This is really good, I wondered if the ‘never play against’ in the second strophe couldn’t be changed to something else, actually, now I come to think of it, why use the title again and again and again? We know that any list of people you will be describing will belong to the ‘who not to play against’ group.
*Apart from the opening of both these strophes, I loved these for the description you have managed so cleverly to portray, I can just see the old men, and the Russian.
But mostly never play against the young girl
who'll throw her queen a birthday party,
*‘but mostly never play against’ prose
*You could probably remove this poem from the abstract to the definitive by making the girl someone we can relate to, give her a name, say what she does not what she will do,
miss the point of landing on a square
another "pretty" piece stands on already -
*I felt that ‘miss the point’ was telly
* (I might be over picky though, I just keep reading this and wishing to read, ‘lands on a square’, or ‘throws the queen a birthday party’ it brings her that much closer to me as a reader, since I live in the now not in the past or present)
"why can't they share? why can't they share?"
*Great line! What was the reason for the repetition? It gives me a feeling that we’re talking about a child six or seven years old since repetition is one of their charming vices.
she'll wonder, and speculate on what lovely
dancers the king and queen must be.
*She might speculate aloud but since I feel speculation and wondering aloud are the same then let her either speculate or wonder, but not both. I feel these two lines to be rather weak actually, they are fillers.
You'll never win.
*telly
Her pieces will jump
their prisoners of war in real time, not in turn.
*First rate ending.
All in all, this was a beautiful piece, thanks for an enjoyable read.
All the best,
K