awake at 2am.
Heart batters
bonegate door.
Hammers to be out.
Rapid breath bulwark
bolsters sternum hinge,
heaves and heaves
until heart calms.
Breath sighs slows,
head on pillow.
Bone adit bruised,
sleep uneven.
Bolt Upright
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PaulSteveLaurence
- Posts: 34
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 9:06 pm
Last edited by PaulSteveLaurence on Tue Jul 26, 2016 2:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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ray miller
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 7482
- Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2008 10:23 am
Hello Paul. If you wanted something rather less immediate, you've come to the right place.
Heart batters bonegate door - good, that.
sternum door, bone door - not so good, think you need doorless alternatives
I liked the whole thing, though.
Heart batters bonegate door - good, that.
sternum door, bone door - not so good, think you need doorless alternatives
I liked the whole thing, though.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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Antcliff
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6599
- Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
- Location: At the end of stanza 3
Greetings, Paul
I think you must be the Paul who was a regular at the late PoetryCircle?
I assume that this is about the racing heart...a theme that crops in some of my poems as well. But if so, then I am not quite buying...
Anyway, welcome to PG!
Seth
I think you must be the Paul who was a regular at the late PoetryCircle?
With RayHello Paul. If you wanted something rather less immediate, you've come to the right place.
With Ray again. Is there alternative to having "door" in all threes stanzas?Heart batters bonegate door - good, that.
sternum door, bone door - not so good, think you need doorless alternatives
I assume that this is about the racing heart...a theme that crops in some of my poems as well. But if so, then I am not quite buying...
"Howls" is a bit Hammer House of Horror? Of course I may be misreading the poem and it is about, saying, a werewolf, in which case...Howls to be out.
Anyway, welcome to PG!
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
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PaulSteveLaurence
- Posts: 34
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 9:06 pm
Thankyou, Ray. Another place to dig my grave. Edited.ray miller wrote:Hello Paul. If you wanted something rather less immediate, you've come to the right place.
Heart batters bonegate door - good, that.
sternum door, bone door - not so good, think you need doorless alternatives
I liked the whole thing, though.
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PaulSteveLaurence
- Posts: 34
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2016 9:06 pm
Aye, it's me Seth. I'm grateful for the welcome. Edited as per your excellent suggestions. Got my gravedigger's smock on.Antcliff wrote:Greetings, Paul
I think you must be the Paul who was a regular at the late PoetryCircle?
With RayHello Paul. If you wanted something rather less immediate, you've come to the right place.
With Ray again. Is there alternative to having "door" in all threes stanzas?Heart batters bonegate door - good, that.
sternum door, bone door - not so good, think you need doorless alternatives
I assume that this is about the racing heart...a theme that crops in some of my poems as well. But if so, then I am not quite buying...
"Howls" is a bit Hammer House of Horror? Of course I may be misreading the poem and it is about, saying, a werewolf, in which case...Howls to be out.
Anyway, welcome to PG!
Seth