By the Stem

[68degrees]

She washes wine glasses
with soapy water, splashes
her feet to Peter Frampton.

You resist a temptation
to join, watch from behind;
let your lover be.

[Xillus_Xavier]

Hey 68, this is a nice visual. The only thing nit I will mention is the slight context issue with the final stanza. To me, the way it is written seems to say you are both resisting the temptation to join AND the temptation to watch from behind. There's several ways to resolve this hiccup, one being:

Watching from behind, you resist a temptation to join; let your lover be.

You can do line breaks on that in whatever way you deem appropriate. Even though I immediately understood what you were going for, I expect some readers will take issue with it. Maybe not. Just something to consider.

[68degrees]

If you "immediately" understood things, I'm satisfied w/how it's presented.

Thanks.

68degrees

[Xillus_Xavier]

Just because I immediately figured out what you were trying to say doesn't automatically mean the sentence is correctly written.
If I wrote the sentence: "I am very happie that you liked teh poem" you might immediately understand that I meant to type "happy" and "the" but that wouldn't mean I should therefore be satisfied with you merely understanding my intention.

But regardless, it's your poem. You do what you feel is best for it. Just providing my take on it.

[Suzanne]

This it a nice moment to share with the poet. The mention of Peter Frampton adds a lot to the imagery, saying music or beat or something more generic would have less atmosphere.

I enjoyed its brevity.
Suzanne

[68degrees]

This it a nice moment to share with the poet. The mention of Peter Frampton adds a lot to the imagery, saying music or beat or something more generic would have less atmosphere.

I enjoyed its brevity.
Suzanne

Thanks, Suzanne. Tried to get the reader to move. Thanks for noticing.

68degrees

[68degrees]

Just because I immediately figured out what you were trying to say doesn't automatically mean the sentence is correctly written.
If I wrote the sentence: "I am very happie that you liked teh poem" you might immediately understand that I meant to type "happy" and "the" but that wouldn't mean I should therefore be satisfied with you merely understanding my intention.

But regardless, it's your poem. You do what you feel is best for it. Just providing my take on it.

Thank you for your take. Noted.

68degrees

[bodkin]

Enjoyed (although such tiny poems always leave me wanting more, which isn't always good...)

I would have put a colon in S2 L2, for clarity... or even a fullstop.

Ian

[68degrees]

Enjoyed (although such tiny poems always leave me wanting more, which isn't always good...)

I would have put a colon in S2 L2, for clarity... or even a fullstop.

Ian

Makes sense. Thank you. Colon, I mean.

Also glad you enjoyed. That you want more makes me feel good.

68degrees

[Macavity]

Like it. Lots of narrative for the reader to thread from the core. Don't get the title, but that seems to be just me.

best

mac

[68degrees]

Like it. Lots of narrative for the reader to thread from the core. Don't get the title, but that seems to be just me.

best

mac

Glad you like the poem. Nothing special w/title....most folks hold a wine glass by its stem when washing. At least, she does.

68degrees