After

[Antcliff]

You could call.
But haven’t.

I could call. But don’t.

We are balanced
in our weak excuses,

equidistant.

Though close enough
to hear each other's silence.

[elotrooso]

Nicely done. Line lengths and breaks suit the balancing act. Would "balanced/on" suit better than balanced/in"? It's seems a more finely balanced state to me to be balanced on something, e.g. with apologies to Leonhard, like a human bird on a wire.

[Crayon]

The narrator is making far too many assumptions about the 'other' for my liking.

Pfft, typical man/woman.

[bodkin]

Unfortunately my sentiments are similar to Crayon's...

I like how this is done, the craftsmanship is fine, it is just that the setting up of the scene is too commonplace. I get the impression that the two of them understand each other almost psychically, precisely because they are each boing/feeling the very most obvious things... so although it's well said, there's nothing really to grab me and pull me in.

Now there are of course good reasons for portraying the ordinary, and even for pointing out that it *is* ordinary... Could there be something much more interesting, or at least different in character, happening in the background to provide a contrast? A traffic accident, action movie, argument about glockenspiels?

Either that or make these explicitly not ordinary characters to be having the ordinary behaviour/emotions?

Ian

[Antcliff]

Thanks, Crayon

Thanks, Elotrooso

Nicely done. Line lengths and breaks suit the balancing act. Would "balanced/on" suit better than balanced/in"? It's seems a more finely balanced state to me to be balanced on something, e.g. with apologies to Leonhard, like a human bird on a wire.

I can see the appeal of balanced on...though I think what I had in mind was closer to be being balanced by...weak excuses on both sides of the balance, so to speak. Thanks for the focus on that.

Thanks, Ian

Psychic eh? Yes, now you mention it, I can see it may feel a little commonplace. Will try the glockenspiel solution.


Seth

[RCJames]

I like this play on an emotional stalemate Well done, R

[Firebird]

I agree with Crayon, too, I'm afraid.

Cheers,

Tristan