Cutting the Cord

[Bauddha60]

This is my first time on this part of the workshop. I recently submitted a translation from the Sanskrit of Bhartrihari on the translation board. Gendun Chopel was a 20th century Tibetan poet. Thanks for your consideration. Louis Hunt


Cutting the Cord
“If the cord is cut, all is well. Yet the whole world fears the cord’s cutting.”
Gendun Chopel (tr. Donald Lopez)

Take out the knife and cut the flesh from bone.
Feed the bloody scraps to the self-inflicted
demons of ignorance, greed and hate.
Cut the cord that tethers mind to space
and consign the dying body to its fate.

Watch the birds of prey circle the sky’s
expansive vision of emptiness and bliss.
Resist the tidal pull of earth: the I’s
illusion that it knows its proper place,
a ground on which to stand and call its own.

But if you cannot cut the final cord -
the thought that death is not release from pain
but only pain’s denial – embrace again
conception’s urgency, the agony
of birth. Return amazed to carnal earth.

[TrevorConway]

Hi Bauddha60,

Welcome to this neck of the woods. For what it's worth, I found the tone a bit too samey in the first 2 verses, so I'd suggest condensing them into one tighter verse. In particular, some familiar phrases (like "flesh and bone", "cut the cord" and maybe "release from pain", too) gave the impression that you weren't trying hard enough to inject it with fresh language. Some suggestions/cuts incorporated below so you have any idea of what I mean. Hope it helps.

Trev

Take out the knife and feed the scraps to the self-inflicted
demons of ignorance and hate.
Cut all that is tethered to the mind,
and consign the dying body to its fate.
The birds will circle above
as you resist the tidal pull of the earth,
with ground on which to stand and call your own.

If you cannot sever the final cord [between you and...]
the thought that death is not departure from pain
but only its denial, embrace again
the agony of birth.

Return amazed to carnal earth.

[lotus]

greetings Bauddha

nice to make your acquaintance
and hear the story telling voice of your quill
which here for me has a bit of an ancient days hue

a warm smile
silent lotus