Native Tongue

[TrevorConway]

Native Tongue

Carrer d’Orosi, Tarragona

I speak to Spaniards
who sand the ends of their words
as if to fit them together.
“Perdona,” I say, “no rápido para mi”,
and as I speak, they wait, amused,
my slow tongue like a morning wave
looting their language at random.

“Goggin, goggin, dahs, goh!
Degud, degud,”
my daughter interrupts.
She’s scraping at language, too,
maybe even offering tips
on how to parent her better.

She and I will pluck from our throats
feathery words to fly
through fairy tales and school books,
explanations and arguments,
occasional
emotional
crises.

There’ll be silence as she grows,
but she might someday pierce a moment
between the cries of her own child
to tell me how well I’ve done
as a father and a man,
or, as a native to this warm land
of tapas and toasted skin,
to mend my mangled Spanish.

[NotQuiteSure]

.
Hi Trev,
rather more miss than hit, for me; too many images, none of which feel explored/developed.

I really like the first verse, I thought the piece was going to tell me something about being a immigrant and learning a new language (but then it goes on to cover the same ground as a lot of your recent pieces, so I feel like I've read it before).

sanding/morning wave (how looting? and why not something that continues the carpentry theme? the slow saw of my tongue) /scraping (back to sanding? but hardly seems likely the child and the Spaniards are doing the same thing) then pluck feathery fly. Taken individually they work, more or less, but collectively they just feel confused.

pluck, feathery, fly and fairy tales is great, but doesn't connect to anything - it feels like the start of a separate poem.

The 'babbling'(?), s2, seems overlong (and possibly only of interest to the parent ) How do scraping and offering tips reconcile?

How is slow tongue (s1) the same as mangled Spanish (s4)? And why mend? Is learning a language breaking it?

(Was the daughter born in Spain?)

Regards, Not



.

[Macavity]

hi Trevor

The more I read your poems, the more I've gotten to like them: the domestic/parental context and theme threads on language/identity/legacy.

Native Tongue

Carrer d’Orosi, Tarragona

I speak to Spaniards
who sand the ends of their words....like the tangible/intangible mix; the insight on another language, the crafting of
as if to fit them together....as if a skill of joinery
“Perdona,” I say, “no rápido para mi”,
and as I speak, they wait, amused,
my slow tongue like a morning wave................I don't understand the simile
looting their language at random.....lexicon/wordbook options to avoid repetition of language?
Like looting...connects to the random steal

“Goggin, goggin, dahs, goh!
Degud, degud,”
my daughter interrupts.
She’s scraping at language, too,.......nice use of scraping for surface
maybe even offering tips
on how to parent her better.,,,why surmise this? anxiety?

She and I will pluck from our throats....like pluck too, threading with feathery/fly
feathery words to fly
through fairy tales and school books,
explanations and arguments,
occasional
emotional
crises.

There’ll be silence as she grows, ..............................how language/communication relationship changes
but she might someday pierce a moment
between the cries of her own child.........................the continuities in parenting
to tell me how well I’ve done
as a father and a man,...................not sure about that, a bit old school, John Wayne?
or, as a native to this warm land
of tapas and toasted skin,
to mend my mangled Spanish.........overcooking the alliteration?

enjoyed

mac

[TrevorConway]

Thanks Not,

I'll really have to look at this collection as a whole and see where it gets too samey, as opposed to having variety within the bounds of a theme. Nope, the daughter wasn't born in Spain, but is growing up there. For the purposes of the poem, it was handiest to refer to her as a native.

All the best,

T

[TrevorConway]

Hey Mac

Thanks for the compliment. Good to know the theme is working for you in general. Appreciate your feedback on this. Ha, that does sound a bit too John Wayne, now that you say it!

[camus]

czxcxzc

[Jackie]

Hi Trevor,

I’m trying to write more effectively about multiple-zone living (languages, cultures, ethnicities, races) and appreciate your doing that, too. I like the parallel between the child’s and N’s language learning.
S1, L2-3 This image doesn’t work for me because you don’t link the two ideas of fitting words together and the speed at which they are spoken.
S1, L6 “my slow tongue like a morning wave” Love this lapping! But I don’t see how it connects with the next line.
S3 speaks to me but the commentary in S4 seems excessive—is that just me?
Thanks for posting this.

Jackie

P.S. I took "wave" in S1 L6 to mean the ocean variety, not the hand wiggle. Was I wrong?

[Amadis]

I can relate to the rapido castillano troubles.
(por favor haga una pausa entre palabras )

who sand the ends of their words
as if to fit them together.

I humbly suggest:

who sand the ends of their words
for a seamless fit.

I enjoyed the read.
Amadis.