All Things Are Crooked (after revisions)

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CalebPerry
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Sun Nov 19, 2023 7:29 pm

[This has been revised a lot, but I decided not to make new versions as the revisions were gradual.]

All Things Are Crooked

Every so often I recall that day early
in the nineteen eighties when a co-worker,
new to my office, casually told me that
my face was crooked — “asymmetrical”
was the word he used — and then explained that this
was true for just about everyone, as if that
were a fascinating fact everyone should know,
not least of which the oblivious deformed.
Now, if, on that day, I had been depressed,
lonely, or feverishly searching for answers to
a loveless life, his thoughtless remark might have
done me real harm, propelled me onto a downward path,
caused me to jump in front of the subway instead
of on it. But for some reason I didn’t care.
I studied him, wondered what personal agenda
drove him to offend people he had just met,
and then dismissed him out of hand —
until forty years hence, when he suddenly
came to mind, and I ran to the mirror to see.

Last edited by CalebPerry on Sun Nov 26, 2023 10:09 am, edited 29 times in total.
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jisbell00
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Sun Nov 19, 2023 8:03 pm

Hi Caleb,'

Very nice, and a great title!

Cheers,
John
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CalebPerry
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Sun Nov 19, 2023 8:06 pm

Thanks, John. I keep trying to write pretty poetry, like the rest of you do, but I just can't manage it. My writing style is frank and prosaic, and I guess it always will be.
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jisbell00
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Sun Nov 19, 2023 8:13 pm

I think this one works just as is. It took me a while to get used to your style, but to my mind, there's nothing wrong with that.

Cheers,
John
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CalebPerry
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Sun Nov 19, 2023 8:21 pm

Thanks, John, that makes me feel better.

I have written a few pretty, metered poems. If you care to see one, search for "In the Age of Climate Change" or "Heaven Waits".
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CalebPerry
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Thu Nov 23, 2023 7:42 pm

I'm knocking this to the top because it has changed quite a bit, although I made the changes so gradually that I didn't make them new versions. I'm just curious to know if the poem works for you.
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jisbell00
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Thu Nov 23, 2023 7:53 pm

I like the oblivious deformed, and this, which I think is new:

But for some reason I didn’t care.

The poem continues to work fine for me.

Cheers,
John
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CalebPerry
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Thu Nov 23, 2023 8:37 pm

Thank you, John.

If not for you, I'd get very few critiques on this forum.
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jisbell00
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Fri Nov 24, 2023 12:05 am

You’re welcome, Caleb, and thank you for your comment on my custody poem. You are welcome to comment on Philosophy, in Experienced, if you like, we seem just now to be about the only commenters!

Cheers,
John
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CalebPerry
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Fri Nov 24, 2023 4:58 am

Phil, being a very responsible moderator, used to comment on my poems when no one else would, but he doesn't seem to be doing that any more.

If "Philosophy" is a poem, I'll comment on it a little later. Right now I need an old man's nap.
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