A Good Day for God

[jisbell00]

A Good Day for God


Today has been a good day for God.

God has created colors and the antelope,

cafés and railway sidings and overpasses.

A billion billion leaves are singing His praises,

fluttering in the wind that He unleashed.

He’s listening to Miles Davis.

And God has decided to sing.

What He sings is this:

“I am the alley and the cat,

the baseball and the baseball bat.”

With that, He is silent again.

And the planets spin,

and the galaxies spin,

and every electron in this universe

spins on its axis.

 

[Macavity]

Much edited from the previous version John

https://www.proleartthreat.co.uk/forum/ ... 47#p219094

I enjoyed entering the world of this poem (like a Terry Pratchett excerpt). I am open to conversion if God appreciates Miles.

praises in the wind that He unleashed for repetition spin and to avoid the familiar dancing

[jisbell00]

Hi Phil,

Yes, I have in fact an entire MS. of poems cut from this one. It's not terrible.

This god does love Miles, which is good to know. Glad you enjoyed this universe - I am chuffed to be compared to Terry Pratchett!

Thank you for your suggestion re: dancing. i've gone with fluttering.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

dancing/fluttering both default options John, though at least dancing threaded with music/animated.

[jisbell00]

Fliss would likely go with twirling. I quite like fluttering, it's accurate, there's no denying leaves flutter. Dancing is a metaphor and as you note, that metaphor recurs later, or is certainly implicit throughout. My ear tells me not to overdo the dancing metaphor which ends the poem, really. But I could go either way. I also quite like fluttering's anapaest.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Quite like twirling John. It has a dynamic.

[jisbell00]

Interesting!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Perhaps it threads with 'spin'

[jisbell00]

It does. it's not my usual tone though. i shall have to ponder!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Good point John.

[Firebird]

I like the idea that possibly God having a good day and singing somehow set all the planets, galaxies and electrons in motion. Enjoyed the poem John. It has your usual easy readability in terms of fluidity and flow, but not necessarily in terms understanding of meaning.

Nice poem.

Cheers,

Tristan

[jisbell00]

Thank you, Tristan! it's good to hear that a somewhat mysterious simplicity came through - that is pretty much what I was going for! Glad you enjoyed God setting everything in motion via his good day as well.

Cheers,
John