Garrison

[riverwriter]

Garrison

In walls we find comfort:
even the softly swaying opalescent
cloth partitition draped between beds
in a ward, as in some comic
Gable and Colbert flick,
gives us some solace
barricading sight, if not sound,
dignity, if not security:
the grey woman in the wheelchair
clutches her purse over her bare knees
— draw the curtain.

So we huddle behind walls
secure in our ignorance
while something monstrous happens
out of sight outside the partitions:
one sneaks bags of gold,
another diamonds, art, significant organs;
all out of sight off site into the night,
only to apologize red-faced red-handed
red-assed when caught and brought in
— draw the curtain.

Outside the walls, someone will
pasteurize the sunset,
making lovely muddy hues
we will all love;
soon Munich, Taj Mahal, Montreal
and MyHomeTown will trade places
and no one will notice behind the walls
— draw the curtain.

[David]

It Happened One Night!

I remember they used the metaphor of the walls of Jericho at the end of that film, so by ignoring that you either missed a trick or avoided being over-obvious. The latter, I think.

Had a bit of a problem with All out of sight off site into the night but, all in all, really a very good contemplation of the walls that are going up all over.

David

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

Great images. My only gripe was the difficulty I had reading it with CAPS at the start of each line and not for the beginning of each sentence. It lost its flow (I scribbles down a mental note as I is often guilty of the same.) You have also short-changed us with the punctuation in some lines.

However,

Outside the walls, someone will
Pasteurize the sunset,
Making lovely muddy hues
We will all love

was excellent.

"— draw the curtain" at the end of each line reminds me of the song "Turn The Page" by Seger. I like it but others might claim to have seen it before. (I've used "Action!" and "Cut!" to punctuate a song chorus.)

The name was a tad confusing. I googled it, thinking perhaps there is some oblique meaning I have not heard before, but no. Are you likening walls to a garrison, keeping us safe from reality?

Good read all up, though

Cheers
Dave

[camus]

cold war, iron curtain, leonard cohen, dying for teapots.

If I had written this, the above would probably have been my influences.

Interesting read, I agree with Kozmik, the caps are off putting.

cheers
Kris

[riverwriter]

Thanks, Cam and Koz: I have removed the caps, thus improving the piece. I don't know what I was thinking; perhaps it is the anaesthetic I had on Friday. (Can't use that one too often . . . .)

[benjywenjy]

hey

liked the hospital reference, the illusion of safety is often the only thing people want.

Dont really understand the second verse though the images are great.

a very accurate and timely look at our 'construction of social space' as my geog. lecturer would say

thanks for psoting

benjy

[barrie]

Not to mention personality walls, emotional walls, walls of anger, firewalls...I liked this one. There seems to be a lot more in it than first meets the eye.

'the grey woman in the wheelchair
clutches her purse over her bare knees
— draw the curtain.' .................We put a hell of a lot of trust in walls.

Your best to date, I think.

Barrie

[Jester]

RR

I liked this one too. I quite enjoyed -

"all out of sight off site into the night"

along with

"out of sight outside the partitions"

A well writen poem that brought all sorts to mind, including "global warming" amongst others in the last.

Nice one

Mick

[riverwriter]

I am sitting here secure within the walls of my home office basking in the reaction to this piece. One of the elements of the whole Internet experience is that before these forums came into existence, this piece would have sat in a manilla folder or envelope for several years, making the rounds from publisher to publisher, accumulating RSs. What a joy this whole experience is — even when the work is generally not accepted; and it's all within a few hours or days of writing. I can recall waiting for months, seasons, even in a few cases, years for snail-mail rejection. Thank you all for your attention to me and to each other.

Your reaction to this piece suggests to me that it might be the basis for an animated short. How's that for a leap?

[cameron]

You are spot on rw. In my youth I used to send out my stuff to poetry mags. On average you'd wait 6 weeks for a reply but some took 3-6 months. (Others disappeared/ceased publication/imploded during the interim.) Eventually a small compliments slip would arrive with either "no thanks" or the magic words "yes please" scribbled in the editor's illegible hand. Little or no critique would be attached.

As you say, it's actually possible with the aid of the internet to get feedback on a poem (literally) within minutes of completing it.

Cam

PS looking forward to the animated short.

[David]

Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure I like the sound of animated shorts.